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The Absolute Worst Lebanese Music Videos Ever Made
I realize I probably come off as a hater of Arabic music, what with my recent post about The Six Most Utterly Bizarre Lebanese Song Lyrics, but I should clarify that I am actually a huge fan of Arabic music, particularly the old classics. But after watching just a couple of contemporary music videos, it’s hard not to see how shallow, superficial and stupid the Lebanese music industry can be.
Before we get to the worst, some important side notes:
1. Jad Choueiri and Miley Cyrus ARE MEANT TO BE. They should do a duet. Trust me. They both don’t care what the people say and want to party all night, all day.
2. Most Lebanese video clips show the singer in love with a random blonde from a random foreign country. Blonde hair, blue eyes, huge boobs. All these singers are in love with the same person.
3. Maya Diab thinks she’s Beyonce.
That being said, let’s move on to some of the absolute worst Lebanese music videos ever made:
1. Talek Talek Talek – Robensa
So basically what happens here is Robensa’s (cool name, yo) husband texts her, saying, “Talek, talek, talek” which means, “Divorced, divorced, divorced” (props to him for following the rules of the Qur’an).
Now obviously, as a form of retaliation, Rob puts on a ton of make-up, and dances around her friends in hopes of making him jealous. Makes sense, no? Then for some reason, her glamorous picture starts going up on screens all over Beirut without any explanation given (we are left here to speculate on whether she is a superstar or not – my guess is yes. Her name is Robensa after all.)
And now, we are mysteriously taken to a club (shi kteer cool) with random people dancing around. Lights dim, camera focuses – they meet at the club – almost kiss. Camera moves away, because staghfurullah. So did they end up divorcing? Why did she kiss him if she hates him? Why did she follow him to the club if she was trying to be cool?
Robensa, don’t leave us hanging, please.
2. Shaklak Ma Bta3rif – Maya Diab/Beyonce
Anyone into “Tomb Raider” or “Matrix” – this is the clip for you.
It starts out with a voice-over narration: “In a world ruled by technology, where women became extinct and men have digital clocks implanted in the back of their necks, a woman (*I thought women were extinct*) rose in the name of justice and fought for the men (why would she do that?) who were forgotten in the dark. Using her hands as a weapon, which had the power to suck the time out of any man she touches. This is how the revolution began. (*research what a revolution means, please*).
Maya Diab, the soul stealer, is arrested. She is transported into a George Orwellian world. Her head is shaved (it grows back in two days, don’t worry) but she fights it by dancing in the dark, scary world.
All of a sudden, we see her sleeping with her lover. Bad people break in, and then she drives a cool car (what?! How did that happen?) to find the bad guys and kill them Tomb Raider-style. She does it in a tight black outfit (will refrain from calling it a dress) and heels higher than Arez, thus becoming the “Queen of the World.”
What was that?
3. We Don’t Care – Jad Choueiri
Bad baby boi Choueiri starts this video at a party with crazy Arabs, singing, “We don’t care what the people say,” and then going on to say, “we will break the rules, we will live our way.”
Long story short: Choeuri gets a black eye from getting into a fight with people but he still will dance and jump and eat shawarma and hummus while driving a bike.
4. In Love Again – Massari
What is this obsession with being a badass?
Massari starts this clip at a business meeting, in a black on black suit (gg’yeah). We then see him spying on this girl. But when he follows her, she pulls out a taser gun on him. Suddenly, some people in the middle of a populated road catch her and throw her into a car (but the entire street doesn’t notice). Massari then stops a Porsche on the road, and throws the driver out to save his girl. He is nearly killed in one punch.
Bonus: Nazra Minnak – Joe Raad
Bonus clip for you all. Watch and enjoy – that’s all I can say.
Before we get to the worst, some important side notes:
1. Jad Choueiri and Miley Cyrus ARE MEANT TO BE. They should do a duet. Trust me. They both don’t care what the people say and want to party all night, all day.
2. Most Lebanese video clips show the singer in love with a random blonde from a random foreign country. Blonde hair, blue eyes, huge boobs. All these singers are in love with the same person.
3. Maya Diab thinks she’s Beyonce.
That being said, let’s move on to some of the absolute worst Lebanese music videos ever made:
1. Talek Talek Talek – Robensa
So basically what happens here is Robensa’s (cool name, yo) husband texts her, saying, “Talek, talek, talek” which means, “Divorced, divorced, divorced” (props to him for following the rules of the Qur’an).
Now obviously, as a form of retaliation, Rob puts on a ton of make-up, and dances around her friends in hopes of making him jealous. Makes sense, no? Then for some reason, her glamorous picture starts going up on screens all over Beirut without any explanation given (we are left here to speculate on whether she is a superstar or not – my guess is yes. Her name is Robensa after all.)
And now, we are mysteriously taken to a club (shi kteer cool) with random people dancing around. Lights dim, camera focuses – they meet at the club – almost kiss. Camera moves away, because staghfurullah. So did they end up divorcing? Why did she kiss him if she hates him? Why did she follow him to the club if she was trying to be cool?
Robensa, don’t leave us hanging, please.
2. Shaklak Ma Bta3rif – Maya Diab/Beyonce
Anyone into “Tomb Raider” or “Matrix” – this is the clip for you.
It starts out with a voice-over narration: “In a world ruled by technology, where women became extinct and men have digital clocks implanted in the back of their necks, a woman (*I thought women were extinct*) rose in the name of justice and fought for the men (why would she do that?) who were forgotten in the dark. Using her hands as a weapon, which had the power to suck the time out of any man she touches. This is how the revolution began. (*research what a revolution means, please*).
Maya Diab, the soul stealer, is arrested. She is transported into a George Orwellian world. Her head is shaved (it grows back in two days, don’t worry) but she fights it by dancing in the dark, scary world.
All of a sudden, we see her sleeping with her lover. Bad people break in, and then she drives a cool car (what?! How did that happen?) to find the bad guys and kill them Tomb Raider-style. She does it in a tight black outfit (will refrain from calling it a dress) and heels higher than Arez, thus becoming the “Queen of the World.”
What was that?
3. We Don’t Care – Jad Choueiri
Bad baby boi Choueiri starts this video at a party with crazy Arabs, singing, “We don’t care what the people say,” and then going on to say, “we will break the rules, we will live our way.”
Long story short: Choeuri gets a black eye from getting into a fight with people but he still will dance and jump and eat shawarma and hummus while driving a bike.
4. In Love Again – Massari
What is this obsession with being a badass?
Massari starts this clip at a business meeting, in a black on black suit (gg’yeah). We then see him spying on this girl. But when he follows her, she pulls out a taser gun on him. Suddenly, some people in the middle of a populated road catch her and throw her into a car (but the entire street doesn’t notice). Massari then stops a Porsche on the road, and throws the driver out to save his girl. He is nearly killed in one punch.
Bonus: Nazra Minnak – Joe Raad
Bonus clip for you all. Watch and enjoy – that’s all I can say.
