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Beirut.com 21 Jul 2014

You Know Your Mom is Lebanese When…

Regardless of how hip or old-fashioned your mother is, if she’s Lebanese, then she is definitely guilty of at least some of these things.

You know it’s true because…

1. She’s Scared of Dogs

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Lebanese mothers have an irrational fear when it comes to dogs. Have you ever tried vacationing with them somewhere in Europe?

Yeah, don’t.

Unless you don’t mind her screeching “Ya dilleh ya mama ana mafiyye 3ala hal kleb!” every two steps she takes (I don’t).

2. She Went Through a Fitness Obsession

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Remember that fitness show, “Ma 2elak 2ela Haifa” that clouded the early hours of your mornings before school? Your mother definitely huffed-and-puffed to the ridiculous soundtrack and became obsessed with working out.

Didn’t last for too long, though.

3. Her Cooking is Her Pride

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Don’t you ever dare make a negative comment regarding her cooking skills. It will deeply upset her. Worse yet, make sure you never say someone else’s mum is the best cook. It’ll break her heart <3

4. She Was First in Her Class

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Your mom, too? ALL OF THEM WERE.

5. Superstition is a Big Part of Her Life

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What that means is: something as simple as scratching an itch will translate into a prophecy that involves you getting rich, or the imminence of hearing bad news. Also, don’t cross your shoes around them or turn them upside down because that is disrespectful to God (or something like that). Black cats are evil, and broken mirrors mean bad news.

And they believe it all.

6. Hour-Long Conversations Are Normal

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What could possibly have happened in the last three hours since we last spoke that calls for a such a long and drawn out phone conversation?

7. Kibbeh Nayye Outside the House is Not Allowed

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Eating raw kibbeh anywhere but her house and your teta’s is not allowed. Under any circumstances. But you can eat sushi, btw.

She also has the habit of freezing kibbeh and wara’ 3inab when you travel outside the country. “Mother, it’s okay, really. I’ll cook for myself.”

Not gonna work.

8. Her Children are Always Victims of “seebet 3ein”

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If you nearly drowned in an isolated pond somewhere in New Zealand it’s because her next door neighbor wished you bad luck in her evil heart. Always make sure you’re wearing your “kharze zar2a” necklace, folks because, according to your mother, everyone is jealous of you.

9. She Has an Inexplicable Obsession with Turkish Soaps

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Also, Ramadan TV shows. Don’t even try convincing her how lame they actually are.

10. She Overreacts To Everything

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Crying is her second nature. So is worrying. As her child, you will come to know that more than anyone else. No matter how old you get or the distances you travel, this is one factor that will never change: she cares so much about you.

So, endure the countless phone calls when you move abroad to study, ok? Heck, endure them when you’re at your friend’s house downstairs.