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Lama Hajj 11 Aug 2014

The Ten Guys You Meet on Tinder in Lebanon

Tinder, the latest frontier in hook-ups and dating, has finally found its way to the Lebanese scene and has become widely popular in the last few months.

For those of you who don’t know how the app works, here is a basic run-through: you sign up through your Facebook account (although Tinder will never post to your Facebook account), then Tinder uses your information to generate a simple profile (photos of your choice, age, name, and pages you’ve liked on Facebook.) After you’ve signed up, Tinder then uses GPS to find potential matches around you, up to a 100-mile radius. After that, it’s a simple game of hot or not; you swipe right if you like someone, you swipe left to make them go away. Basically, it’s a GPS for horny people. These are the ten guys you meet on Tinder in Lebanon:

1. The Israeli

Ironically, this is the most recurring character on Tinder in Lebanon. The Israeli pops up frequently due to the location service settings and Israel’s proximity.

2. The Blatantly Married

Hey, nice wedding ring you go there! I’m not sure if these men simply don’t notice that their wedding rings are so apparent in their photos, or if they just don’t care. Maybe this is their way of giving us a fair warning. Either way, it’s hilarious. I hope your wife swipes left on you in real life.

3. The Far-Away Shot

Yeah…here’s the thing, a picture of you standing far away from the camera in the middle of a suspicious looking wooded area doesn’t make me want to get to know you at all.

4. The Artsy Shot

Are you going to make an independent film about our hook-up? Oh, and nice tribal tattoos.

5. The Real-Life Guy

I’ve seen a few of my friends on there, recognized a few people from my extended friends’ circle, and seen some of my dad’s friends on there. The last one is probably the most disturbing. Like, no 3ammo Joe I don’t want to imagine you hitting on 20-year-old girls. You realize that by signing up to this app we all basically risk finding our parents on it and needing years of therapy thereafter, right?

6. The Weird Bio

I appreciate the extra effort, and this does offer me insight into your ability to spell and formulate sentences, but please remember that this is a hook-up app and get it together.

7. The Outdoorsy Guy

Picture one: skydiving. Picture two: hiking. Picture three: jet skiing. Are we going to be meeting around a campfire?

8. The Rich Boy

It’s quite a coincidence that you’re driving a Porsche in all your pictures.

9. The Selfie-Obsessed

Put your phone down, put a shirt on, and leave your bathroom mirror alone.

10. The Guy With a Dog

I will always, always, always swipe right for you! I might set up a date with you just for the chance to meet your fat pug! I will automatically find you 100% hotter if you’re holding a dog. I can’t begin to tell you how many dogs I’ve matched myself with, most notably a Labrador puppy that I am still waiting to meet. Is there a way the dogs could come to me without the attached men? Bonus points for every extra dog you have.

N.B. – a not-so-sincere apology to any guys humiliated during the making of this article.