What Not To Wear in Lebanon: A Guide for Men

As far as I’m concerned, men should only be allowed to wear two things: slacks and a shirt. The end. If you were a Lord during feudal times, you had the option of wearing slightly fancier slacks and a fancier shirt, and perhaps a wig, but that’s it. Our current world supplies men with endless opportunities to embarrass themselves and nauseate women across the globe. If you’re a guy, here are some things you should never be caught dead wearing:

Flip-Flops

(Image via Fashion Trend 2013)

With the one exception of being at the beach, you should never be caught dead in flip-flops. Nobody needs to see your massive hairy toes, nobody.

Thumb Rings and Skull-Themed Jewelry

(Image via Alfa)

This is the best way to look like you kidnap girls and cut their kidneys out in your mother’s basement. Is that the look you want to project?

Turtleneck Sweaters, Especially with a Blazer

(Image via Famous People in Turtlenecks)

Another staple item in the wardrobe of a serial killer, turtleneck sweaters make you look like both a murderer and a penis.

Seashell-Beaded Jewelry

(Image via Paper Beads)

It is an important time to re-examine your life and think about why your wardrobe choices mirror that of a mermaid.

High-Waist Pants

(Image via Pintrest)

Something happens when men turn 70-years-old that makes them hike their pants up high and wrap a belt around that situation. My theory is that they are attempting to tuck their newly-found man-boobs (or, moobs) under said belt. However, this creates a whole other complication I like to call camel balls. Not unlike a camel toe on a woman, camel balls are extremely unflattering and uncomfortable for everyone to look at. Also, doesn’t that hurt?

Silk Shirts, Particularly in the Color Purple

(Image via Ali Express)

You have to be an Adonis to pull off a purple shirt, and even Adonis himself cannot pull off a silk shirt. The hot Mediterranean weather also contributes to creating a lovely sweat pattern under your arms and down your back. Save us all the embarrassment.

Scarves

(Image via The Frisky)

In fact, stay away from anything that Johnny Depp would wear.

Novelty Underwear

(Image via Ebay)

Ha ha ha ha…those Family Guy boxers are hilarious. Excuse me while I instantly transform into a lesbian.

Nylon Tracksuits

(Image via Sky Depot)

Popular among old men on the Corniche at 5 am, Adidas nylon tracksuits are a staple in Lebanese society; please help us get rid of them one suit at a time.

The Socks and Sandals Combo

(Image via My Joy Online)

Just avoid sandals altogether if you can.

An Ironic T-Shirt

(Image via Zazzle)

We all love The Simpsons, but that doesn’t mean you get to walk around with Bart on your shirt the whole day. Also, spare us the “Female Body Inspector” and “I’m not a gynecologist,
but I’ll take a look” t-shirts.

Misogyny

(Image via Blogspot)

Above all, the worst thing a man can wear is misogyny.