As far as I’m concerned, men should only be allowed to wear two things: slacks and a shirt. The end. If you were a Lord during feudal times, you had the option of wearing slightly fancier slacks and a fancier shirt, and perhaps a wig, but that’s it. Our current world supplies men with endless opportunities to embarrass themselves and nauseate women across the globe. If you’re a guy, here are some things you should never be caught dead wearing:
Something happens when men turn 70-years-old that makes them hike their pants up high and wrap a belt around that situation. My theory is that they are attempting to tuck their newly-found man-boobs (or, moobs) under said belt. However, this creates a whole other complication I like to call camel balls. Not unlike a camel toe on a woman, camel balls are extremely unflattering and uncomfortable for everyone to look at. Also, doesn’t that hurt?
You have to be an Adonis to pull off a purple shirt, and even Adonis himself cannot pull off a silk shirt. The hot Mediterranean weather also contributes to creating a lovely sweat pattern under your arms and down your back. Save us all the embarrassment.
We all love The Simpsons, but that doesn’t mean you get to walk around with Bart on your shirt the whole day. Also, spare us the “Female Body Inspector” and “I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll take a look” t-shirts.