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Lama Hajj 06 Oct 2014

The Questions Lebanese People Ask, And What They Really Want to Know

Society insists that we be polite to one another, and refrain from asking people how much money they make or their age. That is why people have devised socially acceptable ways to get the answers they need, by asking indirect questions.

Here are a bunch of questions Lebanese people like to ask strangers and acquaintances alike, and what they’re really trying to find out.

Where are you from? = Hey, I need to know your religion.

What’s your last name? = Hey, I need to know your religion.

Where do you live? = Hey, I need to know your sect.

Do you live alone? = Can I have sex with you without paying for a hotel room?

Do you travel a lot? = This is the easiest and most tasteful way for me to ask if you make a decent amount of money.

What do you do? = How much money do you make?

What does your dad do? = Do you come from money?

Do you work out? = You should work out.

Do you smoke? = Do I have to taste an ashtray if we start making out?

Do you date a lot? = Am I going to catch an STD tonight?

Do you drink? = Is our first hookup going to be drunken or awkwardly sober?

What was your major? = Are you going to be making money soon?

Are you on Facebook? = I already stalked you on Facebook, but add me so I can see all your private pictures.

Do you have Instagram? = I already searched but you’re profile is private, so add me.

Do you like sushi? = Will you pay for my extensive raw fish needs so I can finally order some eel for once?

So what’s new with you? = Why haven’t you called me in two weeks?

Do you talk to many girls? (Female to male) = Is there a chance you’ve dated one of my cousins?

Do you talk to many guys? (Male to female) = I need to feel special.

Are you close to your mom? (Female to male) = Is your mom so overbearing she will try to come along on our honeymoon?

Are you close to your mom? (Male to female) = Please say no.