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Lama Hajj 15 Oct 2014

Crying, Pooping and Cuddling: Ten Really Strange Apps

Most of us have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram on our smart phones, perhaps a banking app and definitely the Beirut.com app, but have you seen some of the strange things you can download onto your mobile these days: Admittedly, some of them turned out to be useful, so the lesson for today, kids is: we must never judge an app by its cover.

1. Cuddlr

Much like Tinder, this app uses GPS to determine your location and match you with strangers around you. However, instead of meeting up for dating or hook up purposes, this app is for those who want to find a cuddle partner – the purpose of the app is clearly stated warning that it is only for those seeking PG experiences. That’s right; you and your match meet up and start spooning. Enjoy.

2. Beirut Electricity

Sadly, this app is not so strange for Lebanese people, but rather useful. Featured on BBC World News and other news outlets, this app tracks the three hour power outages in Beirut and can predict power outages for the coming weeks, months, and even years. It also has a built-in alarm to notify you ten minutes before the electricity is going to be cut. So hurry up and get your elevator needs out of the way.

3. Melon Meter

Available for $1.99 in the App Store, Melon Meter uses your phone’s microphone to determine the ripeness and quality of a melon. You just have to place the microphone on the melon of your choice, knock on the melon with your other hand and allow your iPhone to determine its decay rate. Apparently, melons that are in perfect condition to eat have a unique sound and Melon Meter can help guide you.

4. Bic Concert Lighter

Developed by the company Bic who makes all those real lighters you always steal, this app is the perfect representation of our smart phone-centric lifestyles. When you’re at a concert and your favorite band starts playing that one song you learned to kiss to, it’s time to fire up the Bic Concert Lighter. It is basically just a picture of a Bic lighter on a black background that shows up on your phone screen and flickers so you can pay tribute to your favorite musicians without the consequent fire hazard.

5. Drunk Dial No!

This is actually an app everybody can use, but it is still weird. It’s for those special nights you get so plastered you start forgetting that your ex is just a monkey who dresses in adult clothing. You start remembering the good times, mostly involving him and some pizza. And of course you’re drunk and don’t have the mental awareness to realize that you’re actually just craving the pizza. Anyway, this app allows you to hide contacts of your choice for up to 48 hours, preventing you from calling them.

6. Bowel Mover (Available in Lite and Pro)

This cool and sexy app allows you to chart your poops. Yay! Keep track of your bowel movements by charting new entries, or… exits.

7. Ghost Radar Classic

This app claims to pick up on paranormal activity around you through the sensors on your phone. Ghost Radar then attempts to translate these sensor readings into spoken words so you can hear what the ghosts around you are trying to tell you. Maybe you’ll get a fun, sassy ghost that will tell you to put down that second piece of cake.

8. Places I’ve Pooped

Another cool and sexy app aimed at your bowels! This one helps you track all the locations around the world that you’ve marked your territory in, resulting into an amazing portfolio for your grandkids to see. The dream is to hit all seven continents, or so we’ve heard.

9. Cry Translator

This app runs for $4.99 because it claims to be 96% effective at analyzing and explaining your baby’s cries and then recommending an appropriate solution. It claims to be the result of significant clinical research at a hospital. It is wise to remember before paying for this app that most babies cry for food, fresh diapers, or because they’re just assholes.

10. Watching Cute Girl

This app is the creepiest of the bunch; it is no shock at all that this was developed in Japan. It consists of a “lovely” Japanese girl appearing on your phone screen and watching you throughout the day so you’ll never feel alone.