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Lama Hajj 14 Oct 2014

Lebanese Warlords Moved by Nadine Labaki Movie, Decide to Cut it Out

Lebanese warlords have finally gotten around to watching Hala2 Lawein, and decided they need to completely change the way they behave.

On the night of October 8, 2014, a sleepover was being held at a prominent member of parliaments’ house, with Lebanon’s finest in attendance. After playing a drinking game for hours, the attendees decided to unwind by watching Nadine Labaki’s movie, “Hala2 Lawein?” The movie tells the story of a village plagued by sectarian tensions. The women of the village decide to overcome the situation by date-raping their husbands.

(Image via The J Express)

The members of parliament present at the sleepover were flabbergasted by the emotional state of the nation and so moved that they have decided to cut the shit. Four of them have already given away all their money to impoverished villages around the country. And by all, we mean some.

“It came as such a shock,” said Walid Jumblatt. “Are we really that bad? I thought it was all cool.” Jumblatt was taken aback by the scenes blaming politicians for the sectarian divide, citing that he normally blamed the people and their negligent behavior. “We can split the blame 50-50 I guess,” added Jumblatt.

“I think the scene that really did it for me is when that kid died; that’s just plain uncool and I’m a cool guy,” said Minister Sleiman Frangieh, who was very young during the civil war but has since filled out his familial obligations of political patriarchy, adding that he’s not going to miss having so many political obligations since he has “a million things he’d rather be doing.”

While some officials at the sleepover called the movie “exaggerated” and “silly,” others were so taken aback that they couldn’t be reached for comment. They had no idea that people had actually died in Lebanon, or anywhere in the world. In fact, one warlord in particular had to be told that people can’t just get on their private jets and fly away during war because most people don’t have a private jet.

Disclaimer for the un-funny: This was a satirical blog post.