Schedules are updated every Thursday.
Raise your tweezers high. Face the mirror with courage. Let the eyebrowical wars begin…
1. Tattoo Fail
You’re an aesthetically disturbed soul in desperate need of eyebrow salvation (to say the least). I wholeheartedly appreciate the effort you put into getting ornamental drawings on the bottom of your forehead. But I’m not buying into your endeavor unless the final outcome is an immaculate masterpiece.
2. Wrong Dye
You’re a hardworking individual whose hard work sadly never seems to pay off. Your life is a colorless sequence of wrong decisions and failed matches. However, your eyebrow crime is ‘slightly less criminal’ than the other crimes on this list given that it’s easier to fix. I advise you to consult with an emergency committee of loyal friends before dyeing your eyebrows again.
3. Infinitely Thin
You have just been diagnosed with Mediocre Assessment of Facial Proportions Disorder (MAFPD). This is a serious health condition. Please seek advice from a certified eye specialist, a psychiatrist or your bathroom mirror.
4. Dramatically Thick
You, madam, are an exceptionally gifted constellation of human cells. But I urge you, in the name of the starved children of humanity, to find a slightly more suitable area on your face to channel your excess of talent.
5. Three-Stories High
You have abnormally high life standards. Kindly consider lowering your standards to humanly permissible levels (or just get a fringe to hide the damage).
6. Winged in a Sword-Like Fashion
You are a fighter, darling. But whatever happens in your life (or in the country, or in the world), promise me that today will be the last time you use your eyebrows as weapons. How about you channel your energy into martial arts or something?
7. Passionately Curved
You have been caught in a deadly spiral that had you running aimlessly in endless circles of nonsense for so long. But don’t panic, you still have time to get your eyebrows straight. Try contemplating the eyebrows of a three-year-old for up to 27 hours for inspiration.
First of all, I am utterly impressed and healed from all the aesthetic scars in the history of my existence just by knowing a noble creature like you still exists in the world. You are a human wonder, an artistic gem, the epitome of natural beauty. My only advice to you is to stay away from beauty salons and YouTube makeup tutorials.