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Lama Hajj 04 Mar 2015

Lebanon Demoted To “Maybe-Afghanistan Of The Middle East” Status

During a ceremony held in Habtour Grand Hotel’s main ballroom, Lebanese Prime Minister Tammam Salam accepted a demotion granted by heads of state and romantic authors alike to demote the Republic of Lebanon from “Paris of the Middle East” to “Maybe-Afghanistan of the Middle East” status.

(Image via Yahoo News)

This was seen as a huge hit to morale and status, both class status and that of the Facebook variety, since it compromised the integrity of thousands of Facebook users who had enthusiastically shared the outdated saying.

“This demotion has been a long time coming,” shared one of the attendees, “we have been studying Lebanon’s case very closely and could not in clear conscience continue to consider it the Paris of the Middle East.”

Throughout the conference, there was plenty of talk backstage as to how Lebanon gained this reputation in the first place, many citing foul-play. “The only thing Lebanon and Paris have in common is long civil wars, that’s it,” exclaimed an anonymous head of state, “With Afghanistan, I can see the similarities: widespread poverty, an increase in religious extremism, and dysfunctional governance hindered by militias. But with Paris, what is the similarity? The wide-spread availability of a crêpe? Unacceptable.”

Good news rang through the ballroom when French President Francois Hollande stated that he would be willing to allow the Lebanese Republic to keep the title, with only a slight adjustment. Lebanon would have to forfeit being likened to Paris, and agree to being associated with a less glamorous and much more ghetto area in France, such as Marseille.

“Marseille was recently recognized as the most dangerous city in France, and one of the top ten most dangerous cities in all of Europe. Considering these statistics, we are comfortable with the phrase, “Lebanon is the Marseille of the Middle East,” said Hollande.

“Furthermore, we are investigating claims that Lebanon has never been the Paris of the Middle East and anybody who deems it that has never been to Paris, or the Middle East,” he added.

Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: This was a satirical blog post. That means: nothing about this article is real.