The Public Meltdown is Lebanon’s Answer To Getting Your Way. Here’s How To Do it Right.
Sure, we need to look for the good in people and have compassion for all living things, but sometimes it’s necessary to have a dramatic mental breakdown that makes people question your sanity. Look – people will inevitably try and screw you over in life, and this is one way to stop them.
So there are two definitive occasions when only a public meltdown will suffice. I’m going to break them down for you here:
1. When you are dealing with someone like your landlord or the concierge, and he is trying to screw you over in some really obvious way.
He should be ashamed, and yet, he is not because he thinks you’re an idiot. Time to set him straight with some drama. One day I realized, for example, that the concierge had installed the same exact lock on every door in my building, which was also the same key as the front gate. I flipped a shit, making a very dramatic show of unlocking every single door in the building until he agreed to change the locks. He’s been extraordinarily kind to me ever since.
2. Another occasion it’s good to have a breakdown is if you are being followed on the street.
If someone skeazy is following me, I like to make a big show of screaming “khalas!” until everyone within a five kilometer radius looks around to see what all the fuss is about. Sometimes you have a little animal that can scare away a big animal by puffing up their chest and spitting and screaming. Channel the small animal and your attacker is sure to go running.
How To Have a Meltdown When preparing to have your meltdown, the first rule of thumb is to know your audience. Make sure you are the craziest person in the room. Are you dealing with someone who is potentially dangerous, or on steroids? If so, you may want to walk away and air your frustrations on a blog instead of confronting the person directly.
I recently got into a shouting match with some asshole at Starbucks who had his Hawk Security guy save a seat for him outside. (I tried to sit down with my coffee and got shooed away by the embarrassed security guy). Smart-ass that I am, I shouted aloud, “Oh, that’s the first time I’ve seen a BODY GUARD save a seat at Starbucks.”
The douchebag, who I can only assume was on steroids, in turn started screaming at ME. When I tried to ignore him, he screamed more. Perhaps, in his lunacy, he had thought that I was the one who had had my security guard save a seat at Starbucks like an asshole. Fortunately, my ears are well-attuned to the frequency of crazy – and I knew, here is a man more unstable than I am. You never know what a real asshole is going to do. When in doubt, just walk away.
DISCLAIMER: Don’t overuse the meltdown. To quote the film Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility.” It’s a tool to be used once or twice a season. You shouldn’t need to force it – just let your natural fury flow and emanate from your rapidly flailing arms.
I also don’t recommend using meltdown strategies in the vicinity of children or sensitive types who might be traumatized by such a dramatic outburst. Frankly, I don’t even recommend having a meltdown on a boyfriend or girlfriend because they will use it against you later.
