Schedules are updated every Thursday.

Lama Hajj 06 Jul 2015

Lebanese Court: Marriage Should Be Between Wealthy Man And Gorgeous Woman

Last week, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that same-sex couples have a right to marry nationwide. This historic ruling eliminates the gay marriage bans that have been plaguing some of the conservative states for a while now, and paves the way for a new era of love and acceptance.

Similarly, Lebanese judges were hard at work to produce a life-changing ruling of their own. The Lebanese kind-of Supreme-ish Court met on Friday to discuss rules of marriage in the small country, only to produce a verdict that would please everyone and that was backed by a majority.

According to the courts and the new verdict, marriage will now be viewed as a sacred union between a wealthy man and a gorgeous woman… with no exceptions.

“God created Adam and Eve, not Poor and Ugly,” shared one of the chief justices, confusing everyone in the room. “How else are you supposed to pay for a cool wedding? It doesn’t make any sense; poor people should stick to shoe-making or whatever.”

The court presented ample evidence supporting this claim, namely of apartment listings in the Lebanese capital.

With the average apartment costing twelve hundred billion dollars, it was clear that the ruling was an appropriate one, “weddings are expensive, and you need a gorgeous, young bride or you’re wasting your time – we hope that the public sees that we’re trying to help them,” added another judge.

“Same-class marriage is the cornerstone of the Lebanese identity, and we are here to protect that.”

Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: this was a satirical blog post.

[Image via The Herald Sun]