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Lama Hajj 07 Sep 2015

Lebanon Needs a Nude Beach, Now

Hear me out.

No, really. Stop fighting me on this – Lebanon really, really needs a nude beach.

I can prove it to you, the resulting socio-economic benefits of having a nude beach are too appealing to pass up. Here they are:

Release pent-up sexual shame

There is a lot of shame associated with nudity and sexuality in Lebanon. This often results in an array of slut-shaming, misogyny, and sexual abuse – what better way to fix that than to normalize the naked human body?

Tan your asses

I know everyone is tired of hooking up with people who have pasty white asses. We can now fix that.

You no longer have to buy swimsuits

Swimsuits can be a bitch if you’re anything above a B-cup. With nude beaches you can show up with just a towel.

Less web traffic

More nakedness on the beach = less googling naked people = less web traffic = faster internet for the rest of us to get our work done.

Swimming naked feels really, really good

It does, you guys.

Increase your sperm count

Did you know those tight speedos (barf) and swimming shorts are constricting your delicate testicles which results in low sperm mobility? Science.

Get more Vitamin D

I’m talking about that Vitamin DICK. Just kidding, relax. Did you know that a deficiency in Vitamin D can lead to a depressed mood?

I know that summer is nearly over, but maybe we can get this in motion for next year?