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Christina Fakhry 11 Jan 2016

How to Become A Lebanese Activist In 10 Simple Steps

Becoming an activist is a noble life decision that requires perseverance, enthusiasm, and intense dedication. But, driven by our ongoing commitment to your psychological wellbeing, we’ve decided to make your life a tiny bit easier. So here’s how you can master the art of Lebanese activism in a few simple steps.

1. Post eloquent statuses on Facebook.

As a first step, you need to master the art of drafting eloquent Facebook statuses by which you state your full support of the cause (your cause can be anything from animal rights to ending political corruption) to move the masses and garner an audience. Statuses should be sharp, consistent, and excessively melodramatic. The Arabic language is also highly preferred. Now get down to business.

2. Appear in as many protest pictures as you can.

Your noble actions should not be hidden from the outside world; you need to become a familiar face, recognized by the online community and the larger public alike. Be ready to star in as many protest pictures/videos as you can and make sure to upload/share them instantly to all your social media accounts. Photobombing protest selfies also serves as a valid tactic. Oh, and don’t forget to stuff your captions with trending hashtags.

3. Jump at every opportunity to be interviewed by a TV reporter during live coverage.

Being interviewed on national television, even for as little as two seconds, is considered to be a breakthrough moment in your journey as an activist. During public manifestations, head straight to strategic camera-occupied press zones and try your best to snatch an interview from one of the reporters. Make sure to passionately divulge the contents of your heart on cam all the while panting heavily. You just might become an overnight television sensation.

4. Start a blog.

After a while, you should start thinking of turning your eloquent Facebook statuses into full-grown blog posts. Go to WordPress.com, come up with a cool title for your blog and start posting right away. The universe is in desperate need for your words of wisdom. Do not forget to engage with your readers.

5. Do NOT let anyone finish their sentence under any circumstances.

If you’re unable to talk for a minimum of three hours straight, then I’m sorry to break it to you but you’ll probably never make it in the Lebanese activism industry. You need to become a professional sentence interrupter with a starting average of 46,759 words per minute. What are you waiting for?

6. Get creative with protest signs.

This one is a given. Train your brain to think creatively about protest signs in both wording and design. And if by any chance you find yourself unable to pull off such an artistic endeavor, you may refer to one of your fellow activists for advice and assistance.

7. Participate vigorously in hashtag campaigns.

#it #just #cannot #happen #without #the #hashtags

8. Insert the word ‘corruption’ or any of its derivatives at least twice in every sentence.

You should not miss a single chance to slay the living hell out of Lebanese government officials. Consider yourself on a mission to preach about every possible aspect of corruption at every occasion. Your magnificent deeds as a steadfast corruption fighter shall no longer be hidden from the world.

9. Pack the right gear.

Don’t forget your water bottle, please. To learn about the other things you need to gear up for a protest in Lebanon, you may revisit the 1,789,505,054 articles written by Lebanese bloggers on the subject in August.

10. Make repetitive speeches at every occasion.

Never miss a chance to remind the masses of who you are. Work on your public speaking skills to be able to deliver the same drama-packed speeches at every occasion. Good luck!

[Image taken from here. ]