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Christina Fakhry 06 Feb 2016

8 Things Lebanon Needs to Deport (Besides Its Garbage)

In light of ongoing garbage disposal debates, we decided to suggest a few things that the Lebanese government might want to deport while they’re at it.

1. Unexplained Traffic

(Image via Saidaonline.com)

Perpetually jammed roads have always been a major bummer to the Lebanese population. Add that to the usual hysterical driving and you’ll basically end up in a bottomless pit of horn-infused madness. It’s as if Beirut’s road system was specifically designed to test the limits of our collective patience. I no longer wish to participate in road rage, I just want all that extra traffic to vanish.

2. Lousy Public Transportation Vans

Every time I’m driving past a Lebanese public transportation van, I become more convinced that these vehicles are everything that is wrong with the whole universe (I’m also thankful to still be alive, but that’s another story). No matter how many times I’ve tried to rationally embrace the aggressive, psycho-emotionally challenged driving style of their drivers, just feeling their presence from a distance is enough to wreck my hopes.

3. This TV Show

I mean, the fortune teller drama has been around for a while and some people somehow still buy into it. But, like, the reason why a respectable TV station would give this woman her own TV show is still, and will probably forever remain, beyond me (and beyond rationality itself).

4. This Shoe, or Anything That Looks Like It

(Image via brit.co)

I’m unable to put up with the fact that an ugly pair of sneakers with identity crisis has managed to survive all this time. Please deport all remaining pairs on Lebanese territory to some faraway galaxy right now.

5. The Electricity Sector, Altogether

Everyone and everything that has to do or ever had to do with the electricity sector in Lebanon needs to be expelled from the country. And please don’t try to give me rational explanations about how it all started when your government does not even care to light up the highway on New Year’s Eve. It just doesn’t get more hopeless than that.


I apologize in advance to all Bemye lovers but I just couldn’t help myself. All I can see is green monsters covered in tiny hairs.

7. Scandal-Rooted Talk Shows

The scandal-type talk show trend includes everything from random accusations to something-out-of-nothing debates and from overcooked intros to incomplete investigations, all in the name of exposing corruption. However, their hardly ever believable tabloid-ish approach no longer sells.

8. Shameless Politicians and Their Perpetually Agitated Supporters

Before shipping some of our politicians, we might need to start with their blind, overexcited supporters who have long been perpetuating the defective culture of idolizing political figures and their protégés.