A Beginner’s Guide to Lebanese Conversation Starters

If you’re looking to delve into the underlying dynamics of Lebanese conversation starters, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve laid out all the basics for you so that you can embark on your creative journey from here.

N.B. The following article was commissioned by weather talk. You’ve been warned.

1. The grand garbage opening.

As if there wasn’t enough trash plaguing the streets already, people constantly feel the need to incorporate garbage into the art of everyday conversation. So whenever you feel short on ideas, throwing in a random comment about the implications of the garbage crisis is guaranteed to get things going. Such an alternative is highly susceptible to turn into a [s]word fight over who has better recycling habits. Be prepared.

2. The nos7ane/do3fane paradigm.

Body weight statements are the undisputed founding pillars of conversing à la Libanaise. They can even be used as a legit substitute for standard greetings. Instead of saying hi, you can dive straight into an unsolicited (and often misinformed) comment about how the other person has gained/lost a few kilos since you last saw them – and pick it up from there. If this doesn’t work, then the whole purpose of our proud nation is practically lost.

3. The weather, obviously.

A generic comment about the weather just never disappoints, especially at this time of the year. Lebanon’s population grew insanely accustomed to the habit of drama queening about all kinds of weather conditions, from blizzards to sandstorms. A couple raindrops are usually enough to spark a state of national delirium. You’re welcome.

4. Essays in presidential vacuum.

It might look like we’ve forgotten all about electing a president after over two years of waiting (not to mention regional turmoil, everyday troubles, and Donald Trump), but the passé nature of the topic does not take away from its conversational weight. In fact, using presidential vacuum to initiate a random conversation still pays off as there’s a high possibility that the other person would be compelled to divulge the entire archive of their political philosophy halfway through. When in doubt, politics are the best way to go about it.

5. TRAFFIC.

Everyone knows there’s too much traffic out there but also everyone still wants to nag about it every single morning and afternoon of every single day so…

6. The standard genealogical investigation.

As a last resort, the one foolproof Lebanese conversational strategy is for the people involved to try and figure out a mutual acquaintance. This golden oldie has all the magic it takes to transform random encounters into sheer genealogical revelations. Who knows, the awkward stranger waiting in line at the bank might very well turn out to be your mother’s friend’s third cousin’s nephew following a 2-minute chat. The possibilities are endless. All you have to do is ask the right questions.

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