10 Definitive Steps To Becoming A Successful Lebanese Insta-Babe

As a parody of Vogue’s 10 Paris girl Instagram life rules, we bring you this, Beirut girl Instagram rules to guarantee your success on our favorite gram.

Is it all fancy brunches at The Met and blow-up flamingos? Is it all traveling and *somehow* affording all those 5 star hotels and resorts? Is it really being best buds with fellow fashionistas and collaborations with (questionable) brands? Yes, yes it is.

1. Paid photo-shoots in Downtown

This is much more than your iPhone 6’s shitty old camera. The 7 might pass, but to really hit every single Insta spot, snap up an appointment with a photographer that will make you look nothing short of perfect. Don’t be shy, this photoshoot can take place in Downtown’s quieter streets if you’re feeling anxious about the funny looks that you’re most certainly going to get.

2. Location, location, location!

The red “location” pinpoint emoji is a must, because how can you influence people if you’re only based in Beirut? Try adding something a little more glam on the side, like London, or Paris, even if your bank account actually says Dora.

3. Call yourself a blogger, but do not actually have a blog

Instagram is the 2017 version of wordpress, and words aren’t actually needed. This brings me onto my next point…

4. Great captions

Your million dollar (or lira) snap should be accompanied with a caption that’ll capture the hearts of your adorning followers. A shooting star emoji is also advised for that extra oomph.

5. Tag every single brand you’re wearing

But not to worry if you actually got that top from El Dorado for 15,000 L.L., tag the Chanel bag (which is also a must) and that should be enough to distract your followers. Affordable is not chic.

6. Don’t forget to thank those brands!

Make sure your caption is followed by, “thank you BeirutBoutik for this gorgeous top” even though you know damn well you paid for it.

7. Invest in a flamingo

It doesn’t matter that it’s a big bag of plastic, and ventures very far off the actual definition of an investment. A couple of snaps on a flamingo are essential in maintaining your lost soul in paradise image. We recommend the coast of Batroun, or an uppity resort for this, since a true Beirut Instragam girl could never be caught dead at something with less than 20,000 L.L. entrance.

8. Put your email in your bio

Because how else would you make deals with overpriced retailers, and receive invitations to pretentious events where you will be able to mingle with the upper class of Instagram?

9. Add “public figure” and “influencer” to your bio

Yes you are, and everybody should know it. Even if the only person you ever influenced was Tante Jacqueline from the village to paint her nails blue next time.

10. Thank your haters

Personally, my “haters” give me serious anxiety and ruin most of my days, however your haters make you stronger. And you best make them know it.