11 Types Of People You’ll Meet At Any Lebanese Beach Resort

Beach season is well under way in the country, and we’re loving it. However, trip after trip, resort after resort, you begin to notice a few similarities. To make life a little easier (and hopefully, a bit funnier) for you, we’ve put your thoughts into words. Let us know if we missed any!

1. The overly oiled up, totally not on steroids dude

He has a friend designated for taking handsome and spontaneous looking shots of him by the pool, drenched in baby oil and tensing so hard ra7 yef2a3. He’s probably entered a few of those shady male beauty pageants, Mr. Sexy International Beirut, Mr. Batroun Beach Bod, etc, but you’ll know that from his Instagram bio, obviously.

2. The please-don’t-splash-me-even-though-I’m-at-the-pool kinda gal

Think: Sharpay Evans. She’s the only person who actually feels comfortable wearing full makeup, including lashes, at the pool, since she’ll only be at the fancy beach resorts where the pool isn’t actually for swimming. Her outfit wouldn’t be complete without a $300-something dollar kaftan, and a tailor made beach hat to match. Overpriced and over the top are the only ways forward.

3. The expats.

They “accidentally” talk obnoxiously loudly to make you subtly hear their sexy (or so they think) accents, while perching on the pool bar and ordering way too many drinks is essential, because you know, foreign ca$h money and all. The guys will send bottles to unsuspecting girls, and proceed to talk about themselves the whole time (to get their money’s worth). The expat girls however will Snapchat the whole thing, sure not to miss a moment of their incredible “vaycay” to ‘Baerut’.

4. The MILF

She’s thanking God for the nanny, since those pesky children are tucked at home for the day and she finally has a day to relax. A margarita at hand, slim cigarettes, and some unblended SPF 50 on the face are grave components to a perfect beach day. Thank God for that post-baby boob job, 40-something never looked so good.

5. The hot couple

They’ve been carved by the angels, and not a drop of make-up in sight. You’re probably not even trying to enjoy the eye candy that is their significant other, but rather comparing yourself (and that extra inch of tummy fat) rather generously to them, even though you know damn well you’ll never look that good.

6. Fitness freaks

As if staring at a perfectly chiseled body wasn’t bad enough, watching them destroy a burger in 3.5 seconds without a tummy bulge in sight will be the cherry on top to send you into summer depression.

7. The dude in the linen shirt and moccasins

We get it, you’re rich. He’s looking down at those other peasants sporting cheap flip flops and old t-shirts as he slowly strolls to the VIP area. Heaven forbid he relaxes with all those commoners who probably got in for free, or Makhsoom-ed their entry.

8. The cool kids

They look effortlessly chic, with a small tattoo somewhere on their arm and beach-tousled hair. They speak French or English, with only a sprinkle of Arabic since they were educated at one of the country’s international schools. Beirut is way too mainstream, however the open beaches way up north or down south should do the trick just fine.

9. The sugar daddy

The entire VIP booked out for him and his entourage of women? 3ade. His keresh walks before him and his greasy long-ish hair is enough to turn anyone off their food. Until he whips out his Red American Express, of course – that explains it! 3 more bottles this way please.

10. The real foreigners

Their pink cheeks and farouj-red shoulders are impossible to miss, even if it’s just 20 degrees. A fake I’m-not-dying-I-swear smile is plastered on their face, since they’re trying really hard to keep up with their Lebanese friend that dragged them to this damned country in the first place.

11. The ordinary folks, you and I

Didn’t fit into any of the above? It’s okay, you’ve got me right here. Your three year old swimsuit will just have to do the trick since that extra bit of weight never seems to budge, and your “summer body” is further away than the sun. You’re the photographer in your friendship group, since you’d rather avoid the attention altogether and being “the chubby one” or the “cutie” in all those pics. You don’t quite understand how everybody looks quite so perfect, since every 10 minutes you jump into the pool because your mom said you should keep your hair wet to avoid sunstroke. Chunky but funky – that’s us.