Beware, the Lebanese Fuckboy. Here are the characteristics you should know to avoid if you want to avoid a broken heart and/or a massive waste of your time.
1. These little blue reminders of fuckery
2. This classic late night question
3. Profile/Whatsapp pictures like this
4. Questionable plans
You should always know, when dealing with a Lebanese fuckboy, that plans are not so much real as they are rhetorical. If they ask if you’d like to go out for drinks on any given day, this doesn’t literally mean he wants to go out for drinks, it’s more him just asking if you theoretically would go out for drinks with him or not. You know, it’s a fuckboy pride thing.
5. And then when you follow up asking about those plans, he replies with ‘sure, where do you want to go?’
This is why you should never, ever, ever, ever, EVER follow-up-message a Lebanese fuckboy. They’ll leave you feeling stupid as if they never intended to go out in the first place (see #4). And then, when you have the courtesy of making sure the date is still on, they’ll reply with a passive aggressive patronizing response such as the one written above. Save yourself the furious rage and do not send the message.
6. The ‘good morning beautiful’ text at 9 AM on a Saturday morning
Don’t be fooled by this. If you receive this text early on Saturday morning, this probably means that he just got home from partying like a child who tasted alcohol for the first time ever after dropping you home at 1 AM last night. He’s also likely swapped saliva with about 4 other females before sending you this thoughtful morning salutation.
7. The long list of ‘kind-of exes’
If you’re standing next to a love-interest at a bar and you’re overwhelmed with weird looks coming from every direction and from a large majority of the girls at the bar, then, unfortunately, you’ve got a fuckboy on your hands. If the guy you’re interested in then proceeds to tell you how each one of those glaring-eyed girls is ‘kind-of’ an ex, rest assured that this means they’ve hooked up with them several times and then somehow ended up standing here with you. Can you do the math? Spoiler alert: fast-forward 3 weeks and you’ll be added to that ‘kind-of ex’ list, unless you recognize their fuckery beforehand and deny them of that opportunity.
8. Saying ‘I love you’ much too soon
A reverse-fuckboy move, this guy will tell you he loves you when it is clearly too soon to have fallen in love. If this happens, do not be fooled. He does not love you. Ain’t nobody got time for that, and even if you did, it’s highly unlikely that this man fell in love with you after spending three drunken nights out with you in Mar Mikhael.
9. Tinted windows
If your love-interest has tinted windows on his car it is 99% guaranteed that he is a fuckboy. Trust us, it’s science.
10. A tattoo about their mother
Nope. Not to be trusted.
11. A Whatsapp group with 15+ guys called something like ‘Bros’ or ‘Asle’ surrounded by Lebanese flags
They only refer to each other by their last names, they send a series of voice notes to each other back and forth screaming at each other for no reason and calling each other derogatory names, because, you know, bros. Your name has been brought up in this chat a few times, along with a wide array of other girls you know.
12. His friends have no clue what your name is
LOL, no need to elaborate.
13. Phone in hand at all times
BECAUSE HE’S TEXTING OTHER VICTIMS.
14. Instagram likes
Instagram’s painfully correct algorithm for finding out who you care to see as the first name of people who liked other peoples’ photos has discovered that he is your main person of interest on the stalking platform. This isn’t a good thing, though, because you’ll see his name as the ‘AymanFuckboy and 37 others like this’ on every. single. picture. of. any. type. of. woman.
15. He works ‘with his dad’
This is indicative of fuckery for many reasons. Mostly because it means that he’s slightly unambitious and didn’t follow his dreams after studying Business at LAU, which means that, if you are his dream, he will not follow you either, and he’ll justify it by telling you something like # 20.
16. He doesn’t respond to your messages, and then, one week later, sends you something like this
17. He doesn’t wish you a happy birthday
Of course he doesn’t. That would suggest that he remembers things and is thoughtful. Don’t have expectations that he will, and if, like most of us, you do, don’t let it upset you when he doesn’t send you a message or give you a call. You’re older and wiser, and much too wise for this shit.
18. He’s in his late 20s but still thinks drinking until he’s blind is ‘cool’
Darling Ayman, it is so so so sad to see you this way. We know you work with your dad because you couldn’t find a job yourself and that you have mommy issues that deprive you of committing or feeling even one figment of love, but that doesn’t make it endearing when you drink so much that you actually start to morph into a sweaty, belligerent, Lebanese chimpanzee. It’s not cute. If he does this and you stay with him, you’re likely heading towards an alcoholic lifestyle with no hopes for the future and no fatherly support system for your imaginary future children.
19. He plays poker
Because, what’s cuter than literally throwing away your father’s hard earned cash?
20. And, of course…”I really like you but I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
This will always be a fuckboy move, and Lebanese men love it. If a guy likes you, he will want to be with you – no matter what stage he’s going through in life.
