The 100+ Funniest Lebanese Tweets Of 2017

As many of you know, we release a round-up of funny Lebanese tweets every Monday. To celebrate the end of 2017, we’ve compiled them all into one big list. Enjoy!

شو حلو كيف الموسيقى بتاخدك لمطارح. كنت قاعد بcafe قام حطو غنية لجو رعد، قمت رحت عغير cafe.

— Ghiwa (@GhiwaOjaimie25) February 15, 2017

Me as a therapist:
– Eh 3ade shu fiya btsir

— Rami (@RamiCh4) May 8, 2017

Ma ba3ref shu ela ta3meh hal official had esmik w ente jartik Somayya li sekneh faw2ik bel telet mesh sem3a fikeh.

— Charly (@CharlyTweetin) February 12, 2017

fi wehde lebse fishnet tights eltela “awal marra bshouf shabakit sayd la2ta houriye” and she ignored me im mad

— Joe. (@JoeKaoun) February 15, 2017

– Bonjour doct…
– 80$ please

— Mawtoura (@mawtoura) July 18, 2017

Americans at 16: Mom I want to move and start living independently.

Lebanese at 22: Mama eltelik badeh sandwich l labneh bala na3na3 walaw?

— G. (@Gkay832) October 25, 2017

الاجانب بعمّروا بيتن ع شكل مثلثات 🏠 عشان خيّو ما يعمّر فوقه..#نفسيات

— عَ (@awxviic1011) February 10, 2017

اليوم فتت عالفرن وطلبت منقوشة زعتر وعطيت الفران ألف، فابتسم وعملي بإيدو ✌️ قمت عملتلو نفس الشي وقلتلو مبروك النصر. طلع إنو صار سعرها ألفين

— Rachel R. (@RachelleRashid) August 30, 2017

– Ana rayha enteher !
Mum : khede l zbele ma3ik

— anə ✒ (@Anniee_AH) February 10, 2017

*moms sends vn*
Me: mama ana bel saf
*mom sends another vn*

— Heisenberg. (@timasr1) October 5, 2017

Scale of za3al:
-ze3len
-ktir ze3len
-sheyel sourtak 3an whatsapp

— Georgio A.G. (@georgio_ag) March 8, 2017

Throwback monday pic.twitter.com/53LFps3sCs

— Anis Tabet (@AnisTabet23) March 6, 2017

guess ma fiye ela to the hot darakiye “fike twa2fe ktir eshya gher 3alam 3al hawejiz”

— Joe. (@JoeKaoun) March 7, 2017

A lebanese house: on the outside vs. inside pic.twitter.com/CVqKSnYj8x

— Anthony (@nthngh7) September 23, 2017

me around family pic.twitter.com/lKkELG3f1Z

— Blu (@maxwont) March 11, 2017

Fariouz songs themes
– spring is coming 🙂
– my boyfriend lives far away 🙁
– CIVIL WAR MURDER

— The Notorious G.A.Y (@gayformarx) March 15, 2017

“I want to graduate and leave this country”
Graduate : HAHAHA
Country :HAHAHA
Passport: HAHAHA
Visa: HAHAHA
Embassies: HAHAHA

— خرّ برّ (@hellopeeet) March 19, 2017

Dead 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/6mcnj4IJns

— Dima Salloum (@DimaSalloumm) March 16, 2017

[Preparing for Dinner for 1st date]

Me: Maz3oujé mn chi?

Leb Date: cava 3adé

Spinneys Cashier: Estez badkon chi gher 3elebtèn Ttouna?

— Faléflix™ (@faleflix) February 10, 2017

I can’t believe Rafik Hariri’s parents named him after an airport

— Dan the Garbage Can (@dnygnm) March 2, 2014

My life is like feta cheese. Btfrot faj2a

— nicolas (@nico0o0o0o0) April 25, 2017

me: I have a sore throat
Doctor: open up
me: idk doc I guess it all started in grade 3

— Zey(nap) (@Zeyhash) February 28, 2017

Me: You know that abbreviations can be very misleading sometimes.
Bf: Oh really?
Me: I think so.
Benjamin Franklin: Alright.

— Engie (@angiealrassi) January 28, 2017

Me: wen sekne?
*patient starts talking in french*
*writes Achrafieh*

— Penguin 🎄 (@AlBatrick) May 10, 2017

ma3o picanto w hatit dont touch my car bro sade2ne ma hadan bado

— Joe. (@JoeKaoun) May 21, 2017

Bt7adda akbar charmouta we2fit 3al dawra tmosso ad hal barghache

— JC (@FUCKTOHME) June 9, 2017

Friend: Bro 7atta law u dnt hav anytng in common, dall jarrib tle2é chi common

*later*

Me: *to date* tab chou Sébi3 lone moufaddal elik

— Faléflix™ (@faleflix) May 7, 2017

حياة الشعب اللبناني تختصرها ورقة المية pic.twitter.com/J2dRPDg5XF

— عايف التنكة (@Shadi_M_Saleh) June 13, 2017

Parents be like : Yi ra7 yetfe l téléphone, b2albo 50%

— Tarek (@Tarek_Bou_Omar) June 26, 2017

– Crush: Ya alla ma 3am ble2e ma7all rkhis e23oud fi!!
– Me: pic.twitter.com/X39qmflEMv

— Jamil 🌍 (@Ja_mi_l) June 22, 2017

When bae’s phone has been getting many text notification in a row pic.twitter.com/xURVQJDeGz

— Carole (@burgerizati0n) June 16, 2017

*breathes*
Alfa: pic.twitter.com/tNJui9yA9w

— Aabed (@AbedBanna1) June 28, 2017

هلّق يلّي نجح ابنو بالبروفيه وما عندو سلاح.. في يكب سكاكين بالهوا؟

— Jad Bou Karam (@OHMYJAD) June 29, 2017

“cocaine is highly addictive” lmao have u ever eaten bzourat

— Blu (@maxwont) July 2, 2017

Min Fédra Leon? pic.twitter.com/BJ22pIZaOX

— Wael Saad (@saadwael) July 6, 2017

I once dated a girl with a twin.
People asked me how I could tell them apart.
Mira painted her nails purple and Bob had a dick.

— Chanklish (@chanklish) July 10, 2017

Summer b lebnen 3ibara 3an :
-Miss International 2017
-Miss byblos 2017
-Miss Rue Camil Chamoun 2017
-Miss bineye ra2em 68, 2017

— Anakin. (@anakinskwlkr9) July 7, 2017

Me as a therapist: pic.twitter.com/6s7iV1umiN

— آلاء (@alaa_ayxub) June 2, 2017

Giving sakhret l rawche the name of sakhret l rawche is equivalent to naming your cat Cat

— Theo Bromine (@Theo_bromine_) July 12, 2017

Mom: bhebbak enta w khayyak ad baad
Also mom: pic.twitter.com/gc8s1Ktxfd

— wiam△⃒⃘ (@Hoebloss) July 17, 2017

“The lyrics for the “hush little baby” song are actually saying “I will buy you anything if you shut the fuck up”.”

— Ali Sleeq (@AliSleeq) February 7, 2017

انتِ مفكرة اذا شربتي شاي اخضر بعد سندوشتين شاورما ، الريجيم رح يقبل اعتذارك ؟

— Bachir Al Teghrini (@BachirTeghrini) July 17, 2017

the guy on the fuel station calls me “beik” and im just there like pic.twitter.com/r1vZd48Rr3

— Hey Jude, (@NourSaid_) July 17, 2017

My luck in a nutshell pic.twitter.com/pQLhv9ZYod

— Youssef (@YoussefBasma4) July 20, 2017

My parents watching GoT:
Dad: wli amal Layke hayde sey2a tennin w ente abta3rfish tsou2e siyara

— إبن المعلّم نبيل. (@Dou2abou) September 1, 2017

Every time we go out for sushi pic.twitter.com/s4Vuzg0R8a

— Aabed (@AbedBanna1) September 4, 2017

Me as a therapist: 3melilo block

— Héléna (@HelenaTakla) September 5, 2017

Guys hada bel AUB bya3ref 3an el premed bi AUB ta shouf ma3 aya doctors men el AUB bekhod sfoufe bel AUB la2ano im a first yr student in AUB

— Michael (@quavocado) September 4, 2017

Ekhretna nekol fairy eza “مزيل للدهون”

— King (@carenshaar) February 10, 2017

انا بأول يوم دايت. pic.twitter.com/JAzaleR4xu

— Mawtoura (@mawtoura) September 1, 2017

r u lebanese bottled water? bcs u sohat

— Fleur (@batenjeen) September 4, 2017

Lebanese parents be like: “A7la tyeb kenna nlabbeskoun” pic.twitter.com/goBV15fn7p

— Jessica Chedid (@JessicaChedid94) August 7, 2017

*at paul*
me: “uhh sorry? sorry?”
nobody answers
me: “uhmmm maitre?”
waiter 1: “oui?”
waiter 2: “oui?”
croissant: “oui?”

— rasha (@msawkal) September 11, 2017

kenet ebla3 kerche hala2 kerche byebla3ne

— salwa (@salyonce) July 27, 2017

*Driving*
-Mom: Waynak?
-Me: Tali3 3l tari2.
-Mom: Ma testa3mil l cell enta w seyi2
–
*After 2 Minutes*
-Mom: Leh ma 3m tred?

— Bala ma ﻧﻘﻮﻻ (@SfeirNicolas) September 14, 2017

ALWAYS lend rich kids your books THAT BUTCH USED MONEY TO MARK THE PAGES im done with spoiled ass kids but im getting myself a snack pic.twitter.com/miajnOlQzS

— Lil’ Wa (@KalassinaLoulwa) September 14, 2017

بنت جيراننا تزوّجت بال٢٠١٣ بعدا لهلق عم تستقبل تهاني Comments عFacebook.

— Charly (@CharlyTweetin) September 28, 2017

Khaye bado mene 100$ mn Hedak l shaher, fa 7a etrklo hole bi envelope. pic.twitter.com/4IwAFNzFDf

— G. (@Gkay832) September 28, 2017

Hala2 kelmet beldogh hiye beldogh aw beldor bas yali khtara3a Ken byeldogh?

— إبن المعلّم نبيل. (@Dou2abou) March 8, 2017

I hate when ppl put “relationship goals” or “that’s how I’m trynna be” to a couple doing the SIMPLEST things…like eating..walking.. r u ok

— Eva Otrok (@EvaOtrok) September 28, 2017

*posts pic with a girl*
Family: “shuuuu gerlfrand??”

— 👾 (@trxcl) August 17, 2016

Lebanese influencer *dies*

-Thank you “Baaklini funeral house” for an exquisite funeral. Double tap to win goodie bags.

— Anis Tabet (@AnisTabet23) October 13, 2017

Eh 7a2o l Valet yekhod 10,000 bl niheye tghyir 3yarat l krse w tzbit m7atat l radio 3a zo2 fakhamto a3mel mt3be w btstehal b3d aktar mn hek.

— Charly (@CharlyTweetin) October 14, 2017

If you had to choose between the man you love and a million dollars, how many bottles of wine would you buy?

— Paula K. (@paulakhaty) February 15, 2017

Friend: “l Banét hal iyyém bi 7ebbo chabb l Outdoors w osas”

*later at dinner*

Me: *to date* “ana 3ayech ta7et Jesr Ddawra”

— Faléflix™ (@faleflix) October 7, 2017

sorry i cant come my social personality bel ghaseel

— lyne (@nylonize) October 14, 2017

و ولا مرة ظبطت معي. pic.twitter.com/YpO1OUGhHM

— Mawtoura (@mawtoura) September 18, 2017

50 shades darker? DARKER? Shou ba3ed bado ya3ml? Ynika bl sekkine?

— Badine (@jadbadine) February 11, 2017

يمكن “ma fe wafa” … بس أكيد في قانون! #قوى_الأمن
للتفاصيل ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/h4gE5ZbtqW

— قوى الامن الداخلي (@LebISF) October 21, 2017

Mom: you could tell me everything, I’m open minded unlike other Arab parents
Me: I’m in love
Mom: pic.twitter.com/hGQ5Pbg7ey

— Hummus pasta (@voItaire_) July 23, 2017

Byeje taht l rekbe aw kif? pic.twitter.com/7YWetmtdTv

— Hadeeł (@PasUnNewYorker) October 26, 2017

Whenever I’m drunk in mar mkhayel and someone voluntarily slows down so I could cross the street. pic.twitter.com/r4XkJkb0uO

— elie (@ElieYaghi) October 20, 2017

my teacher asked me something and i texted her "slut" instead of "salut" pic.twitter.com/LAtGIDJxGZ

— salwa (@salyonce) August 23, 2017

*3al hajez*

*hair tied*
Officer: tfaddal.

*hair loose*
Officer: sabaahhooooo 😍💘💕💖💘💝

— Hadeeł (@PasUnNewYorker) October 25, 2017

Lebanese moms after few drops of rain : ha nazel al sejed bukra – lbso kem tawil bared – ma te23od 3al 2ard – Weyn al defeye ?

— (@khatchig_says) October 8, 2017

When i tell someone where i live & they reply “omg that’s so far”
I’m not inviting u over
so don’t worry abt ur imaginary journey

— Rachel Yaacoub (@RachelYaacoub) November 5, 2017

عم فكّر انقل نفوسي من الجنوب ل Jafet

— Hasan (@Hasn095) October 24, 2017

Ummm fuck pic.twitter.com/ltIOzXod0h

— Dina (@DinaChammas) November 15, 2017

How’s your day going so far? pic.twitter.com/FHBIYkZomc

— Ahmad (@AhmaddOssaily) November 22, 2017

My version of walk of shame is just walking home with a box of Tonino

— A Festive Nope (@Scara_Ha) November 23, 2017

Stahlet nhar 3otle men doun ma yet3azzal el beit 5 marrat

— Marwan (@MarwanZein1) November 22, 2017

Does anyone ever answer those fucking “anyone coming to Dubai next week?!” statuses? Like bro no one wants to run your shitty errands

— Lama H (@LamaBeirut) November 17, 2017

Mom: dou2ile hal tabboule
Me: taybe
Mom: mch na2esa shi eh?
Me: la2 taybe
Mom: ma bzedla shi?
Me: barke shweyit 7amoud
Mom: rouhe mn wejje

— Hala (@HalaHasIssues) October 25, 2017

Me : niyelo l hayawen maby3mol shi bhayeto ela yekol w ynem
Mom : dakhlik ente am ta3mle shi gheir hawde l tnen.
Me :
Mom :

— A. (@Amalnicolas) November 20, 2017

The only راحة we’d be getting these days pic.twitter.com/EcHeR6ly3M

— Mc’ NouBa (@Nour_bazzi) November 10, 2017

Crush: What’s wrong? Is everything ok?

Me: *I should explain to him calmly what’s bothering me*

Also me: *Texts him goodnight at 6PM*

— Hala (@HalaHasIssues) December 6, 2017

“Don’t make the same mistake twice”

First of all, it’s the fifth time

— Fátima (@FatimaDakik16) October 18, 2017

pic.twitter.com/QVEmiRcd8T

— Misfit. (@_nikkiie_) October 9, 2017

2008: lol / lmao
2011: haha nice one
2014: HAHAHAHAH
2017: 3AM BEBKE. 3AM SAREKH. METET.

— Carole (@burgerizati0n) September 17, 2017

Boss: *Speech about loving your work*
Me: Ana 7oli ma b7ebboooo

— Cⁿ (@Ckay0) September 5, 2017

Today a man said to me : « … bas na2sik chwayet ka3eb »
W enta na2sak tekol chwei khara

— Cybèlule (@Cybele_reaidy) October 10, 2017

Me: *subscribes to the 5GBs bundle*

Alfa: *Ten seconds later* Dear subscriber, you have reached 80% of your allocated MBs.. pic.twitter.com/iH4FXwIhUP

— Aabed (@AbedBanna1) September 20, 2017

Typical maslaha conversation: pic.twitter.com/IdSsj5nXHa

— not noor (@fiictional) September 14, 2017

I ran into my dad bi parking l bineye fa natarne la soff w alle leh betfoute metl l zo3ran lol dad pls an i10 is not just a car it s a life style 👏🙏👌

— Sara (@Sam3ouuul) December 20, 2017

“Wow sayartak bta3mel aswat ana ktir 7abbet tzawajne hala2”
~said no girl ever

— طالب (@TalebKabbara) September 7, 2017

A woman nxt to me was bragging abt her diet to her frnd w eno not eating fat then her son was like : “bas mama akalte 2 bouza kamen”
RIP son

— Sara (@Sam3ouuul) August 3, 2017

Mnih fi Facebook b elle Good morning, Good evening, Good night, w byetzakar our memories and my birthday

Hamdella

— Panda (@Yasskayrouz) October 16, 2017

What do you want from us, adults who talk in a baby voice..

— Ismail. (@IsmailSakalaki) June 28, 2017

I want a relationship like a lebanese straight guy and football

— إبراهيم (@brokeassbob) April 23, 2017

“You look better when you don’t wear your glasses.”

You also look better when I don’t wear my glasses.

— Maria. (@theunusualM) April 21, 2017

Your job title before your name on Facebook is surely not encouraging me to accept your friend request.

— Cⁿ (@Ckay0) March 27, 2017

Mom: shu hal sot? shu kassarte?
Me: machi, ana tfarkashet
Mom: an hamdella

— Hala (@HalaHasIssues) November 28, 2017