7 Things We’re Sick Of Seeing On Lebanese TV

Make sure you’ve got your remote in hand as today we’re zapping in on a whole bunch of things we’re excruciatingly tired of seeing on Lebanese TV channels.

1. Fortune tellers

My cognition is unable to fathom the fact that fortune tellers are still granted precious airtime [not to mention actual TV shows] on the majority of Lebanese TV channels in this [supposedly advanced] day and age. Tune in for two hours of nonsense delivered to you by the all-famous New Year’s Eve accessory nobody asked for *same sinister soundtrack as six years ago playing in the background*! On a slightly brighter side, it seems such TV appearances are becoming less frequent over time [judging by the past few years], which ignites the tiny spark of hope inside me in a potentially better future for Lebanon’s once-stellar television industry [and population in general].

2. Horror-scopes

Number two on the list is a natural progression of its predecessor. I mean, I understand that some people [with way too much time on their hands probably] may read horoscopes for fun and giggles from time to time [NO, I DON’T], but my aching soul will never reach a logical 21st century explanation as to why TV programming heads still find it okay to disseminate astro-illogical assessments to the masses on a daily basis. Saturn has just lined up with Nilesat to give you a sign that the only future you should aspire for as a modern-day media practitioner is to eliminate this sickening segment from your morning show once and for all.

3. Series where everyone lives in a countryside mansion fully equipped with a pool, panoramic view and surrounding garden.

Last time I checked, the average Lebanese did not live in a countryside mansion fully equipped with a pool, panoramic view and surrounding garden. Where dem sandwiched 150 m2 apartments with 60s style bathrooms at? Also why in the living universe would you need three maids at your house? How many facial expressions of jealousy-peppered anger mixed with two ounces of love and a spoonful of pride can you pull off in a millisecond?

4. TV shopping

Have you heard of online shopping? No matter how you choose to reinvent the format, TV shopping will never become a thing again. Have you heard of online shopping? I genuinely feel bad for the few unlucky presenters who have been inflicted the abominable horror of selling irrelevant items to uninterested viewers with a smile [and an unhealthy load of hairspray] on live television. Also, have you heard of online shopping?

5. The same faces over and over and over again.

Why do I feel like local TV stations would rather have the same presenter host all of their programs than exert minimal casting effort to hire a new face or two [and uplift the face of the profession instead of the presenter for a change]? BECAUSE THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY THE CASE, THAT’S WHY.

6. Recycled formats.

Just a few years ago, we lived and breathed reality TV singing competitions, then came the reign of ‘social’ talk shows with no real added value, while this year and last year have been a playground for kids-rooted television formats par excellence. It’s like every time a program bangs on one station, 357 replicas have to be processed on all competing channels in less than a month’s stretch. If only the great 90s/early 00s would come back and suck the dullness away!

7. Vain political discussions

Political talk shows are a TV necessity in a [peaceful and oh so calm] country like Lebanon. Political yelling shows where guests keep interrupting each other and tension ultimately culminates into a 2-hour marathon of mutual insults, however, are not.