13 Situations That Will Make All Lebanese Say “Damn That’s Real”
Maybe you’ll relate, maybe you won’t.
1. Geography is a key factor in picking a partner
I love you but you live in Mtayleb and I’m a Beirut bitch. Have a great life.
2. You’ll pay $80 for a fancy dinner then realize that “deconstructed lentil salad” is essentially your moms mjadra minus the comfort
Fusion experimental cuisine gets the best of you yet again.
3. When you want a coffee in Hamra and have to choose between risking a bacterial infection from the unwashed dekkeneh coffee machines or coughing up $7 for a black coffee.
Bacterial infection risk it is!
4. When you’re stuck choosing between making the most of life by attending all the events and not dying of a traffic induced heart attack
5. When you travel abroad and realize how spoiled you are when the clock strikes 7 PM and everything shuts down.
6. When you low-key look forward to all the Christmas markets but secretly know they’ll be a medley of disappointing pulled pork sandwiches and loaded baked potatoes that are priced $15 a pop.
I mean, I’ll still go.
7. When the new restaurant you vowed to try shuts down before you get around to it because you were busy going to Paname again.
Still thinkin ’bout you, Burger Nation.
8. When you get really riled up over social injustice in Lebanon and vow not to keep silent this time.
But then you’re too tired to change the world so you take a nap then go out for drinks at Internazionale and bitch about the world.
9. When you feel like a dipshit for believing the telecom sector when they vow that we’ll have decent internet
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 843 times? Yep, my bad.
10. When taking a walk, you learn to establish routes to avoid human land-mines.
These land-mines include the garbage bins, the touchy beggar, the abusive kaake vendor, and – of course – the one oud perfume shop that always chokes you to death.
11. You silently weep when you go abroad and see that the lip kit you paid $50 for at ABC
Priced at a mere $7.
12. It’s happened once or twice that you’ve gotten stuck in such terrible traffic that you consider abandoning your car
Let the municipality deal with it.
13. …When people ask you what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve and it’s still not even Independence Day
But you somehow have several plans lines up.
