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Rea Haddad 12 Apr 2019

10 Reasons Beirut Is Just Not That Into You

We hate to break it to you but Beirut is always going to be a one-sided affair, just like that one crush you can’t get over. Not that Beirut is out of your league, but we hashed out the 10 reasons the city is just not that into you.

1. It plays hard to get

What do you mean I can’t just freely take a stroll in sahet el nejmeh without being questioned or weirdly looked at? There’s always the risk of being pushed away.

2. The city is a bad boy

Once the city shows you a sweeter side, like a ride with no traffic, crazy bumps, or fearful jouwar, you secretly miss the sweet agony of being stuck in the same spot for 30 minutes.

3. The city doesn’t take any hints

No matter how many Ramlet El Bayda beach cleanups you partake in, you’ll always head back to your car to find it with a parking ticket (even though you triple-checked that you can park here). And, that is, a better scenario than coming back to a car that was marvelous hit by a rock from the warshe facing it.

4. Beirut treats you like an option

Even if you’re unemployed and dying, Beirut doesn’t give a fuck about you. It’s like you’ll never be their priority but you can still enjoy that new Jal El Dib bridge or the Horsh Beirut grass ‘cause there’s that.

5. The city likes the attention- but doesn’t give it back

Yes, you painted the Mar Mikhael stairs once with great enthusiasm, but that resulted in you tripping on the stairs days before your daman was finalized.

6. The city is only interested in booty calls

The only time you’re thankful that you live in Beirut is at 3 AM when you’re crazy hungry and your neighboring furn is still open. Time to drool over that cheese man2oushe!

7. The city will never text you first

It’s a grand surprise when you find out that you have extra fees to pay for that mecanique overdue date or that iskan loan. What happened to reminding me guys!

8. The city will never get jealous of you leaving

Beirut will not blink twice or even bid you farewell if you move to Dubai or New York for a better life, let alone stop you at the airport and beg you to stay! Ouch.

9. The city flirts with everybody

Beirut is extra flirtatious with foreigners that instantly fall in love with her. She plays all her moves with those cute tourists. We’re talking lahm b3ajin, parties, endless hummus supplies and war bunkers-turned-club outings, she’ll have them under her tight grip.

10. The city ghosts you, hard

It doesn’t matter how many peaceful protests you marched in, screaming for your rights with the most creative signs, Beirut will always leave you on read, even after the double and triple texts.

Let’s end it on a sweet note with this spoken poetry performance by Rabab Chamseddine.