Schedules are updated every Thursday.
Going out and re-immersing yourself into society after months of no socialization is proving to be quite tricky. Many of us have found ourselves stumbling, mumbling, and even over-sharing quite often in social situations.
But fret not, we have come up with a list of fifteen things you can pull out of your ass during your next dreaded instance of small talk.
1. The new trick your pet dog/cat/parakeet learned.
Bonus points for whipping out a video for proof.
2. Your dead relative.
No wait, don’t do that.
3. Your new favorite burger in Beirut.
Describe all condiments in boring detail in order to waste maximum amount of time.
4. How you can’t find basic medications for your ill parents, and you are filled with rage.
Actually…maybe better to skip out on this one.
5. The Netflix show, “Halston”.
We loved that.
6. How each and every day you feel you are slipping further into the abyss.
And no matter how hard you try, you cannot seem to shake the feeling that you are wasting your life.
7. Your kids’ online dance classes.
8. Your newfound crippling fear of socialization.
And how you are so nervous you oftentimes end up oversharing things in mundane detail because we have been locked indoors for 15 months.
9. How your vaccine appointment went.
Yay for getting vaxxed!
10. The pit in your stomach that you feel each time you realize you have no future in this country.
11. The new type of instant coffee you discovered that is equal parts tasty and affordable.
12. How you lie awake at night in a panic, knowing you are choosing between leaving your family behind and dying in this forsaken land.
Might be a little heavy for small talk…
13. How you like to cut up a watermelon
And soak pieces in tequila/gin.
14. The deep-seated rage you experience while waiting for fuel.
15. Fuck it all and just be honest.
We’re all miserable and trying our best. Cheers.