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Labib Mansour 05 Mar 2022

8 Suitable Punishments For Lebanese Politicians

Since the justice system is as useful as pretty much any political figure in the country, here’s what we believe would be suitable punishments for Lebanese politicians.

1. Roast them on a shawarma stick

Violent as it may be, we find this to be quite resourceful.

Credits to the medieval torture method called the Brazen Bull where they’re cooked alive in a giant metal bull. Gross.

2. Lock them in a room with snakes (w mafi kahraba)

Plot twist, they’re the snakes – so they’ll just be scared shitless in an empty room, thinking there’s a snake somewhere.

3. Have them wait hours in their car with the heat turned up to the max…in the middle of July

To make up for the hours we spent waiting in line for gas, only for gas stations to close at 1 pm.

4. Give them their salary in Monopoly money

And they must endure the public humiliation of being called out by the angry dekkanje who doesn’t have time for their shit.

5. Recreate that scene from Titanic, but with one of Mikati’s yachts

Preferably his most lavish one, the famous Mimtee. Who do you think will play Jack and Rose?

6. Everything they eat will taste like Bemye

Out for a sushi dinner? In the mood for some Italian? Nope. Bemye for the rest of your life.

7. Force them to go out every day so they can get publicly slapped by citizens

Thanks for the inspo, Walid Fayyad! Please come again.

8. Make them peel prickly pears (aka. sobbayr) with their bare hands

Finally, the most inconvenient fruit made convenient for us.