Schedules are updated every Thursday.

Bassel Obeid 28 Oct 2022

What If Elon Musk Bought Lebanon?

The billionaire CEO of Tesla and SpaceX Elon Musk has finally acquired Twitter, spending $44 billion to seal the deal. But those 44 billion big ones could have gone another way, for just half that he can buy all of Lebanon. Here are a few things we think would happen if he were to make the deal of a lifetime.

1. Make Dogecoin the national currency

Ponzi scheme to Ponzi scheme.

2. Demarcate our borders by throwing a dart at a board

Or by running a poll on Twitter.

3. Fire everyone

And replace them with AI, creating the first horde of cyber bureaucrats who will take over the world.

4. Refuse to extract gas from the sea

Electric cars are the future, also I’m too busy to leave me alone.

5. Strap people to rockets just for fun

Anyone who tweets the photo of him and Ghislaine Maxwell will be put up on a SpaceX rocket from the Bekaa.

6. Share a joint with Noah Zaiter

On the Noah Zaiter podcast, exclusively available on Musktify

7. Have ten more kids that he keeps a secret

X’G2Cedaroost reporting to duty.

8. Go out with Nancy Ajram

And then when they break up she poses with the Communist Manifesto.