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Beirut.com 15 Nov 2022

The World Just Hit 8 Billion People, And Here Are 8 Billion We Have In Lebanon

The United Nations will really make a day out of anything. Did you know that we have a World Population Day? Well, we do and don’t worry it’s not actually today. But today just so happens to be the very day that the global population hits 8 billion people, with India primed to surpass China as the world’s most populated country.

Despite the fact that we here in Lebanon are a country of a mere 6 or 7 million folk, it sure feels like we have EIGHT BILLION of these types of people:

Girls who have birthday parties with Christian Louboutin heel-shaped cakes

I’ll admit that seeing you eat a shoe is appropriate imagery.


Doesn’t it feel like we have 8 billion of those fuckers? We at least have 8 billion blacked out SUVs.

Food bloggers

Lebanon has 3 food bloggers per capita. “Waw kteer taybeh, 3anjad.”

Waiters who pronounce it “avocaydo”


Guys named Ahmad

There are 15 at my office alone so, I rest my case.

Political analysts

For a country with 0 political change over the last three decades, the number of these people feels excessive.

Cab drivers who used to live in Germany

“Ana betsalla 3al khatt.”

8 billion political activists who are out of touch with reality

Making their platform: “aham shi nehtamm b meshklet el noise pollution” and other secondary problems.

Terrible motorcycle riders

I’ve personally seen 8 billion in Dahye alone.