What If Santa Was Lebanese?

Are Lebanese versions of things better? Possibly. We’ll let you be the judge of the Lebanese Santa. Here’s what we think he would be like.

1. L hadeya byoosalo shi 12 w shway bel lel

Ken fi 3aj2a, you can’t blame him.

2. Forget cookies and milk, mezza and Arak will do

Because chances are the cookie boxes are filled with sewing kits.

3. His favorite color is red for a reason

Tole3 daras tob b Soviet Russia at some point…bas mesh kel l wled ha yetla3lon hadeya. If you know, you know.

4. His means of transportation: motsik

Hajazoolo mosriyeto bel bank and he can no longer pay off his reindeer sleigh.

5. He’ll consider moving to Lebanon

“Ah hek ski w swim b nafs l nhar?”

6. Instead of coal, he’ll give out bemye

And because your teta is resourceful, she’ll make some for dinner because you’ve collected so many over the years.

7. He’ll probably invite himself to dinner

“Shu l 3asha lyom? Ah lek walla 3amleen rez b djej?”

“Tfaddal estezna tfaddal”

8. He probably won’t be one person

3a to2seem l ta2ife Santa 3endo Santas la kel manta2a.

9. He would be scared of judgmental Lebanese grandmas

“Shu hal ahmar hayda? Balghazo 3yoone”

“Ya 3ammo lezem tekol akel bet”

“Meen byeshteghel ba3d nos lel?”

10. He’d be taken in for questioning for tobyeed amwel

And he’ll probably be badgered by Stephanie Saliba for a penthouse this Christmas.

11. Bya3mol wasayet

“Ma te3tal ham l hadeya ha ykoono 3endak abel l 12”

12. He’ll get lazy halfway and stop delivering presents

Next morning’s headline: “Lesh bas bel manate2 l masihiye?!!”

13. People will definitely be mispronouncing his last name

Santa Kloz

14. His mom doesn’t take his job seriously

“Eh ebne byeshteghel akbar sherket delivery bel 3alam haram ktir byet3am wa2t l 2a3yed”

15. And he has a “ridaki ya ommi” tattoo on his shoulder