If A Marvel Movie Was Set in Lebanon

Welcome to part XI of Avengers Phase 9 part 2 LIVE from Beirut. In order to understand this movie, you need to watch 15 movies before it but not in their cinematic release order, in this special secret order we won’t share with you. Here is how a Marvel movie set in Lebanon would go (from someone who didn’t watch any of the Marvel movies).

Iron Man

– Currently PM, been PM 4 times before.
– Once got robbed and had his suit sold for scrap
– Known to be a prolific sexual harasser
– Nominated for president by Forces of Change MPs
– Often on MTV

Captain Lebanon

– Lives in Jbeil
– Frozen bel Arez
– Prominent civil war killer, jarab yenzal 3al 7ajez as soon as he woke up
– Attempted to run for president but was disqualified for outstanding crimes against humanity
– Speaks Phoenician
– Supported France in the World Cup

Hulk

– Lives in Zkak el Blat
– Haraket Amal supporter in Hulk form, civil society enjoyer in normal form
– Enjoys reading Beirut.com

Black Widow

– Lives in Saifi
– Still played by Scarlett Johansson because she can play any ethnicity or race
– Involved in the assassination of Rafik el Hariri
– Friend of Riad Salameh

Doctor Strange

– Lives in Baabda
– Minister of Public Health
– Declared COVID was defeated in June 2019
– Whenever public hospitals request money he confuses them through the use of multiple timelines

Wanda

– Took over a whole day3a bel shmel and ran a ponzi scheme based on 1500 Wanda = $1
– Hustler entrepreneur, works in an NGO and runs four small businesses on the side.
– Gaslights men on the daily since she can’t feel love anymore

Ant-Man

– Gets stepped on two minutes into the movie, dead.

Thanos

– Head of a major Lebanese political party