Game of Thrones, one of the most popular shows in the world, immensely fell off after its tragic final seasons. But today, it has regained some of its glory with its successful spin off.
The analogy between a warlord-filled medieval fantasy and Lebanon is not as hard as one would expect, so here is how Westeroes would look in Lebanon.
1. Daenerys Targaryen
– Lives in Zahle, in exile from Lebanese fuckboys – Her Greek Orthodox family was very powerful under the Ottoman Empire (less so now) – Fervent activist for an airport in Zahle in order to land her fleet of “dragons” – Leads a cult that meets up in an unknown area of the Bekaa every month to do secret rituals – Allegedly burned a man to death for laughing too loud
2. Jon Snow
– Lives in Sodeco – Civil society activist – Has a mysterious and alluring aura that quickly breaks down when he speaks a few words – Writes long Facebook posts – Boomer thawra battalion
3. Cersei Lannister
– Lives in Tabaris – Half her time is spent at ABC Dbayeh, the other half is reserved for gossip and scheming – Murdered her 80-year-old sugar daddy husband (allegedly) – Speaks French to everyone, can be often heard saying racist remarks
4. Jamie Lannister
– Lives in Monot – Top engineer at Murex – Runs political pen as part of a larger campaign to normalize cousin marriage in the country – In debt because his money is frozen in the bank and he needs to finance Cersei’s lifestyle
5. Tyrion Lannister
– Lives in Hamra – Known as the local drunkard that’s always at Abou Elie – Can be often heard muttering about keef el dawle 3emlet fi hek – Once was an AUB professor – Friend of Riad Salameh
6. Ramsay Bolton
– Lives in Koura – Been in a few motorcycle accidents, potentially killed someone once or twice – His father runs a local resto, and has told him he will never let him inherit it – Dropped out two semesters into his stint at LAU Jbeil – Has a dungeon
7. Robert Baratheon
– Lives in Baabda – Screams about el 3ahed – Was once a fierce general in the Lebanese Army – Believes Lebanon needs a benevolent dictator (preferably him)
8. Ned Stark
– Lives in Tripoli – Najib Mikati’s nemesis – Spends a lot of time and money on charity and bankrolls for schools in the area – Thawra good bas bi rawa2 w ma3 e7tiram w sharaf – Has survived multiple assassinaton attempts
