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Mia Arawi 28 Mar 2023

13 Things You’d Find In Post-Apocalyptic Lebanon

We’ve all grown pretty tired of living during world historical times, but what if we lived after the (actual) end of history. Welcome to post-apocalyptic Lebanon, probably not that much different from pre-apocalyptic Lebanon.

1. Leh el apocalypse b manta2etna 2awa men 3andon?

2. Your Lebanese Mom will not change

“Lbos casquette!” “Mama, literally ma fi shames ba2a”

3. A significant portion of Lebanese dads will be volcanically frozen with the TV remote still in their hands

4. Arak will become a magical potion

Drink this to save yourself from the radiation!

5. Burj el Murr will still be standing

Long after the last ever Unica was produced, the large Unica in the sky will continue to triumphantly stand over the ruins of Beirut.

6. Nafa2 Salim Sleim will still be under maintenance

Zombies: “Ayre bel dawle”

7. 51%ers

A group of fungus-infested Verdun-Ain el Tineh residents will start a post-apocalyptic cult about a caring woman that used to always give 51% of everything she had away to her neighbors and friends.

8. Motors will still be clanging along

With their loud noises and pollution really setting the scene for the zombie filmmakers.

9. A tribe will live and operate from an abandoned oil rig in Lebanon’s Mediterranean sea

“Petrol will change everything, trust me!”

10. A ba7er will finally emerge b Baalbak

Yellow and poisonous, but a ba7er nevertheless.

11. We will actually have federaliye

Congrats to all semi-fascists out there!

12. A group of upper class citizens sheltered inside B018

Those Lebanese people really do dance through everything fr!

13. Riad Salameh will still be financing the Zombinese Zira

1 Zira = 1500 human bones