11 American Concepts We Should Steal For Lebanon

USA! USA! Land of the free, dome of the brave, or something. Despite the obvious cons, the world’s premiere empire still has a few interesting pros that can be of use outside their 50 states. Here are 11 American concepts we should just steal and Lebanonize, and pretend was ours all along.

1. Jury Duty

So let me get this straight…you get 12 people, put them in a courtroom for months, and then make them judge a person to life or death? I love it, sign me up. Of course, we need to make it jury duty with Lebanese characteristics, so it will be 18 people, one for each sect.

2. A Sport Only We Play

World Champions of Cedarball for 99 years and running, thank you, thank you.

3. Deep Fried Fattoush

No comment.

4. Bas Vegas

So there’s just this city in the desert entirely dedicated to gambling and illicit activities? Casino du Liban, it’s over for you when Bas Vegas opens.

5. Goofy metrics

When the temperature is 1194 goop, you need to walk for 15 cedars then to get to the 29 boot tall building with 1,000,000 rubix cubes of water.

6. Secret Tax

Lebanese businesses? Are you bored of all the traditional customer scams? What if I told you you could start excluding tax from your prices? Who doesn’t love more maths?

7. A Senate

Sounds cool and evil, buy it.

8. Make all our money look the same

Oh oops I thought that 1,000 was 100,000, my bad.

9. Ad Break

This post is sponsored by [DRUGS]. Feeling a light cough? Is your toe slightly hurting? Breathing a bit too normally? You need the latest and greatest in prescription drugs, talk to your doctor today! Or not because you can just walk up to any pharmacy and get yourself hooked up easily. What are you waiting for?!

10. Saul Goodman

Our lawyers do too much honor and justice, and too little actual extravagant lawyering. I want giant billboards, I want TV ads, I want you to chase some ambulances, let’s turn it up a notch please.

11. Dumbass red cups

When you’re right you’re just right, of course I want to drink out of a red cup rather than a normal transparent one. Normalize it.

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