How to Become a Lebanese Instagram Sensation in 10 Simple Steps

If you’ve done a fair share of scrolling ever since Instagram rolled out business profiles a few months ago, then you must’ve noticed that over 90 percent of Lebanon’s female population self-identify as ‘Public Figure’ on the platform.

But how can you, an average struggling mortal, attain the coveted status of ‘Instagram sensation’ in an oversaturated universe of online desperation?

After carefully studying the posting patterns associated with these highly privileged Instagrammers, we compiled our groundbreaking findings into a 10-step beginner guide to ease your frustration and enlighten your poor soul on the path to Instasalvation.

1. Enhance your lifestyle by committing to the Intensive Selfie Diet (ISD).

The diet consists of dedicating a minimum of 30 minutes per day to taking an optimal number of consecutive selfies. Make sure you cover every possible photographic angle for added precision. There also happens to be a universal rule stating that your face looks more attractive when captured from the top, which means you’ll have to exercise your arms regularly in order to reach the ultimate, highest and steadiest phone-holding position.

2. Find your signature facial expression/filter.

Now that you’ve perfected the technical part of taking selfies, it’s time to embark on a soul-searching journey towards finding the right facial expression-filter combination for you. And while such an endeavor is necessary to achieve a consistent online image, it is by no means an easy task. You might have to mine through 5,452,689 filters before finding THE ONE. But the satisfaction and selfie-fulfillment you end up experiencing definitely compensates for the effort. You gotta have faith.

3. Gather the top 100 most overused quotes you’ve ever came across into one memo to make sure you have enough caption inspiration in stock.

Imagine having the most glamorous mirror selfie in your gallery but failing to find a suitable caption about happiness, beach waves, stars, wanderlust, pancakes and the universe to go with it!

4. Bedazzle your bio using weird fonts, a surplus of emojis and a quick brief on how awesome you are.

Your bio is pretty much like a first impression of your Instagram persona and you surely wouldn’t want it to leave the average online stalker disappointed. Oh and please don’t forget to include your dual nationality at the very beginning, either in word form or using flag emojis. Apparently it’s a huge asset in Lebanon’s Instasphere.

5. Post 7,839.08 angles of the same outfit.

I mean, seriously, do you expect your followers to be satisfied with just one angle of your outfit? Please don’t leave us hungry and soul-achingly curious… Our hearts are in constant longing for you to shower us with multiple glances at your #ootd, especially if it just consists of a white T-shirt paired with ripped jeans. And no matter how irrelevant your outfit is, make sure you tag ALL the brands you’re wearing (queue makeup artist and hairdresser) in each of your posts, just like a good Insta-Samaritan is expected to.

6. Do not, under ANY circumstances, forget to hashtag #blessed under each of your pictures.

Double thumbs up for adding the heavenly hashtag in your bio.

7. Enlighten the Instagram community on your multiple other talents.

You need to understand that being an Instagram sensation automatically entitles you to a complementary set of glam-talents including modelling, blogging (even if you don’t actually have a blog!), image consulting, event management and social media training among others. You can even cover songs, cook or play a few notes on a decorative piano in your living room to add more range, you know.

8. Give your followers a heads-up every time you’re about to eat something.

Whether you’re having fruits for breakfast, a juicy burger for lunch or open sushi for dinner, you won’t benefit from all the nutrients in your food if you miss out on Instagramming a picture of it first. Checking in at the corresponding restaurant may also provide added vitamins.

9. Indulge on Stories like WW3 is less than 24 hours away.

Always strive for having the longest and most frequently updated Instagram stories among your circle of friends, in order to further establish your privileged Instagram status. Needless to say, Lebanon’s turtle-speed Internet connection will definitely motivate your followers to sift through your 57-picture Story.

10. Make sure your hair and makeup are always on point, especially in #NoMakeup/#NoFilter selfies.

As a matter of fact, achieving ‘natural’ looks in Lebanon is a paradoxically demanding process that involves next level subtlety in terms of hair and makeup tricks. And you can’t but rise to the occasion!