12 Things We Wish Lebanese People Would Stop Doing At Their Weddings

Wedding season is quickly coming to an end. And, in hindsight, after a wedding-filled summer (because Lebanese people think you can only get married in the months of May, June, July, and August), here are the things we hate about Lebanese weddings that we really, really wish people would stop doing.

1. #PersonalizedHashtags

If you didn’t make a personalized hashtag for your wedding by morphing the bride and groom’s names together then did you even really get married? Unless you’re Kim Kardashian and pictures of your wedding will circulate around the world this is really stupid.

2. Ragheb Alameh

Khalas. You can tell he even hates it too.

3. 50 meter high cakes cut with samurai swords

Worst of all is the fact that the cake is usually fake and you can’t even eat it.

4. Wedding dresses the size of a small country

Nope.

5. Massive table centerpieces

You can’t even eat the horrible buffet food because a giant flower-pot-candle-holder-torch-thing-with-leaves-and-branches-sticking-out is taking up the entirety of the table space.

6. Elaborate pre-wedding photoshoots

Riding a horse through Downtown. Are we meant to believe that this is a valid reflection of what your married life will look like?

7. Grand entrances

3D Mapping, walls opening like the sea Moses parted – from which a bride appears. WHY THOUGH? You’re not hosting the Oscars, this is Lebanon, just walk through the door or down the stairs and we will be even more delighted to see you than if you emerged from beyond the wall.

8. Fireworks

This was probably very, very cool in the 90s – but it’s 2017 and this is definitely not cool anymore.

9. Paying wedding-themed social media accounts to cover your wedding

We know you’re rich because your 50 meter cake just descended from the fucking sky, there are 3,000 people here, and the wall is covered in a rare breed of orchids. There’s no need to pay someone to post pictures about it tomorrow with your personalized hashtag.

10. Giving us gifts with your initials plastered on them

I really, really, really don’t need a golden plate with your names on it. I really don’t.

11. Subjecting the guests to a 30 minute slideshow depicting the story of your love

As if to say, “Look, we really are in love, this wasn’t arranged, look how it happened! Have you ever seen two people more in love than us?!”

12. Dry weddings

Rude.