The Differences Between The British Royal Wedding And Every Lebanese Wedding

It’s no secret that Lebanese weddings are over the top, and there’s a whole lot of Lebanese wedding trends that we wish would go away forever. After spending a concerning amount of time reviewing last weekend’s Royal Wedding, we couldn’t help but note the similarities and differences between one of the world’s most regal nuptial ceremonies and their Lebanese, non-royal look-alikes. Here is our analysis of the differences and similarities between Harry and Meghan’s wedding, and just regular, everyday, Lebanese wedding ceremonies.

Dress code

British Royal Wedding: Attendees were spotted in bright, vibrant colors, skirt suits and three piece suits for men. Kate Middleton chose to wear an outfit she had previously worn and was pictured in at three different occasions.

Lebanese weddings: The sisters of the bride need to be in wedding dresses too, but just not white ones to cover up the fact that they are, in fact, in wedding dresses. Women must wear the highest of heels, the tightest of gowns, and the most obnoxiously flashy jewelry that can be found in the family’s safes.

Just married vehicle

British Royal Wedding: Horses and carriage.

Lebanese weddings: Black Mercedes as part of a convoy of cars honking through the polluted streets of Beirut for no reason other than to give other drivers anxiety in the form of celebratory road rage and noise pollution.

Venue

British Royal Wedding: St George’s Chapel, on the grounds of Windsor Castle, dating back to the 14th Century.

Lebanese weddings: BIEL.

Acceptable forms of behavior

British Royal Wedding: Both the bride and groom and their guests remained calm and poised throughout the ceremony.

Lebanese weddings: Calm does not exist in Lebanon, and certainly not at weddings.

Make up styles

British Royal Wedding: With simple eye make up and a smile, Meghan Markle may have brought one of Hollywood’s most famous make up artists over for the big day, but she still chose to shine on her wedding day in the most natural way possible.

Lebanese weddings: Mothers-of-the-bride all over Lebanon must have been in a panic at the sight of Markle’s seemingly bare face at last Saturday’s wedding. Appalled at the fact that the royal bride opted for a natural look, Lebanese brides are avid fans of the fake news that is 10 kilos of make up that should cost thousands of dollars to apply on their wedding day – and every other day of the year for that matter.

Culture

British Royal Wedding: As an ode to Markle’s roots, there was a commendable amount of black representation at the Royal Wedding to celebrate her background in parallel to that of Harry’s. Harmony and love in its finest form – including a choir performance of the song ‘Stand by Me’ – an anthem of solidarity that emerged during the civil rights movement in the United States.

Lebanese weddings: Well, should you decide to marry outside of your religion you won’t be having a Lebanese wedding at all, but you can move it over to Cyprus, because ain’t no such thing as one love in the Lebanon.

Speeches

British Royal Wedding: The following is an excerpt from Bishop Michael Curry’s speech, “Oh there’s power, power in love. Not just in its romantic forms, but any form, any shape of love. There’s a certain sense in which when you are loved, and you know it, when someone cares for you, and you know it, when you love and you show it – it actually feels right. There is something right about it. And there’s a reason for it. The reason has to do with the source. We were made by a power of love, and our lives were meant – and are meant – to be lived in that love. That’s why we are here.”

Lebanese weddings: A drunken brother-in-law of the bride will crash Nancy Ajram’s performance of Ah We Nos to perform a very drunken speech while acting out how he set the bride and groom up on a date two years ago at a grungy bar in Mar Mikhael.

Celebrity attendance

British Royal Wedding: Oprah, David and Victoria Beckham, Amal and George Clooney, the entire Suits cast, Serena Williams, the list of celebrities that attended the Royal Wedding goes on and on…but each and every one of the celebrities had to show their invitation at the door, and none of them came close to stealing the spotlight.

Lebanese weddings: The only celebrities that attend Lebanese weddings are paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to do so. Ragheb, Nancy, Joe…no invitations necessary, just $250,000 for an hour, haven’t ya heard?

Bride’s appearance

British Royal Wedding: Simple, sleek, modest white Givenchy dress – pretty veil that swept the floor, embroidered with flowers that represent each and every one of the 53 nations of the Commonwealth to signify peace, charity, and harmony. The bouquet was made with flowers that Prince Harry picked the day before, and the Bride’s tiara was her ‘something borrowed’ from the Queen herself, embellished with stones that date back to the 1800s.

Lebanese weddings: A dress is not a wedding dress if it doesn’t take up half of the wedding venue and if it isn’t covered with crystals and beads and glow in the dark LED lights – the sole purpose of all of these things is to signify that the bride is rich.

Hats?

British Royal Wedding: perhaps the only ridiculous aspect of the Royal Wedding, and all British weddings for that matter, is that hats and ridiculous headpieces are a thing.

Lebanese weddings: hats are not a thing, but everything else is ridiculous.

Before we’re done with the Royal Wedding forever, check out our roundup of the most
hilarious Lebanese tweets about the whole ordeal.