Dear Ivy,<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend for around 3 years now. I was very content with our relationship before but I\u2019m about to hit 30 and I would like to get married eventually. We never really discussed marriage but I just assumed he would know that this is what comes next. I broke the news to him and he freaked out. He said he didn’t think I was like \u201cother\u201d girls and that I am acting really \u201ctypical.\u201d I\u2019m really disappointed and don\u2019t know what to do. Is this worth breaking up over?<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
Believe it or not, most guys don\u2019t assume marriage SHOULD come next. That\u2019s just not how their minds work. Men are simple, to them if everything is smooth sailing and you guys are having a good time why would you complicate\/ruin things with something like marriage?<\/p>\n
But that doesn\u2019t justify his reaction either. Suddenly you\u2019re not the cool girlfriend he thought you were because you\u2019re looking for some commitment in your life? Don\u2019t fall for that crap.<\/p>\n
But you\u2019re in the wrong here too. Many girls avoid the big M word because they want to come off as easy-going and laid back when they\u2019re with a man. Why? Because let\u2019s face it, our society has become wedding-obsessed. And most men can smell wedding ambitions on a woman like a shark smells blood. So no, you shouldn\u2019t have broken it to him from the get-go but you definitely should have dropped some hints here and there.<\/p>\n
Give him some time to digest the news and create a healthy distance between the two of you. At the end of the day you don\u2019t want to pressure him into a lifelong commitment; trust me that is not a sustainable model. If he doesn’t bring it up in a couple of months, then he is avoiding the topic all-together and basically isn\u2019t ready. You have two choices at that point: accept it and never bring it up again or break up with him and start looking for that guy that may be at a point in his life where he\u2019s ready to commit.<\/p>\n
Dear Ivy,
My good friend\u2019s boyfriend treats her like a doormat. He literally walks all over her and she lets him. He is always playing mind games with her, borrowing money from her and making fun her but she just laughs it off. When she is not with him all she wants to talk about how sad he makes her and when she is with him she just wants to be on his arm. He\u2019s made her so weak. I\u2019ve tried telling her\u2014she will agree but then just let him get away with it all over again. I don\u2019t know if I can just sit back and watch this anymore.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
So don\u2019t. Here\u2019s the thing, as long as he\u2019s not verbally or physically abusing her, you can’t do much, and although I see exactly where you\u2019re coming from, you can\u2019t expect your girlfriend to have the same pride\/values\/expectations and most importantly self-worth that you do when it comes to men. It\u2019s a horrible truth but some women enjoy\/accept and are attracted to men who treat them this way. <\/p>\n
Sure, she\u2019s complaining, but judge her by her actions not her words. She\u2019s telling you one thing and turning around and doing another. He\u2019s a got a hold on her that I doubt you can break. Just remember, this is not about you and it is not your battle to fight. You said what you had to say and she made her decision. Now it\u2019s your choice to decide whether you want to stick around to watch.<\/p>\n