{"id":29071,"date":"2013-10-24T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-10-24T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/29071\/if-superheroes-came-to-beirut"},"modified":"2023-08-14T10:45:07","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T10:45:07","slug":"if-superheroes-came-to-beirut","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/29071\/if-superheroes-came-to-beirut\/","title":{"rendered":"If Superheroes Came to Beirut"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever sighed in frustration and thought to yourself: \u201cYou know what this country could really use right about now? Superheroes! They\u2019ll sort it all out!\u201d? Hey, I\u2019d like to see a caped crusader or masked vigilante clean up this place as much as the next person, but I just don\u2019t think it would really work out as well as we\u2019d hope.<\/p>\n

1. Superman<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

If the Man of Steel were to stop by Beirut, he\u2019d probably be bombarded with bullets every time a political speech takes place, or someone\u2019s daughter gets married, or some kid graduates, or someone scores a goal. They wouldn\u2019t actually hurt him of course, but even Superman can only take so many bullets to the crotch before getting pissed off.<\/p>\n

2. Batman<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Batman would not have much luck either. Prowling around the rooftops late at night, he\u2019d probably be gunned down by some rogue militia men for invading their territory, if not by the military themselves. The Batmobile? Don\u2019t even think about seeing that whizzing through the streets on the way to a crime scene, what with all the traffic and potholes and people driving in reverse and whatnot. As for the Batwing, it would probably be mistaken for some weird Israeli aircraft.<\/p>\n

3. Wonder Woman<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Wonder Woman would fare better than the Dark Knight, since her Invisible Plane is, well, invisible, but I think she may face some different issues since she does make a whole lot of other things<\/i> visible. Imagine the scene: Wonder Woman patrols the streets on foot, passing by some fine young gentlemen smoking arguilehs and spitting up sunflower seeds on the sidewalk. One whistle, two whistles, an \u201cAywaaa\u201d, followed by a \u201cShou ya ashta?\u201d A fight breaks out after one of the lads grabs her thigh, and before you know it, the whole neighborhood turns against this gold rope carrying slut. Hey, she asked for it\u2026 right? <\/p>\n

4. Aquaman<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

If you thought the tremendously useless powers of talking to fish and breathing underwater made Aquaman lame and inadequate enough as a defender of humanity, wait till you see him take on Beirut. I think even Aquaman would find himself gasping for air every couple of minutes in our pristine waters. And although talking to fish is as pitiful as superpowers go in any case<\/i>, it\u2019s pretty laughable when the only ones you have on your team are these things<\/a>. Excuse me, Aquaman, though your swordfish friends do look truly fearsome, I don\u2019t see any robberies or murders going on in the middle of the Mediterranean. We\u2019ll give you a call if that happens though.<\/p>\n

5. Spider-Man<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Spider-Man\u2019s pretty cool, but I doubt he\u2019d appreciate Beirut as a city to fight crime in. For starters, we don\u2019t have a whole lot of skyscrapers, so he\u2019d just swing from one building, to another, and then just awkwardly crawl around on walls yelling \u201cI\u2019m coming! I\u2019m coming!\u201d And if he does manage to maintain some momentum, no amount of Spidey senses could help him evade our own manmade webs of electrical wires that stretch from building to building.<\/p>\n

6. Iron Man<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tony Stark may have an impressive arsenal of weapons and gadgets at his disposal, but if he were to settle down here, he\u2019d run into some problems. Powering his underground headquarters would use up a whole lot of electricity, and we haven\u2019t had enough to keep our own homes powered 24\/7 for years now, so it\u2019s safe to assume that he\u2019d either leave in a huff, or only operate for three hour intervals.<\/p>\n

7. The Hulk<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

As we all know, when angered, Bruce Banner transforms into the unstoppable force of destruction that is the Hulk, which comes in mighty handy when there\u2019s a crisis of some kind, but can be pretty devastating when Banner loses his cool and goes on a blind rampage. Has Lebanon ever, ever<\/i> been recommended as an ideal location for serenity? The guy would obliterate half the city in a single day, and that\u2019s just because he wasn\u2019t able to take his morning shower for a week.<\/p>\n

8. Daredevil<\/big><\/big><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Man, this guy\u2019s screwed. In a country where metalheads are taken in for questioning for having long hair, piercings, and dressing in black, under suspicion of being Satanists, a dude who dresses up in a big bright red devil outfit really hasn\u2019t got much chance. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever sighed in frustration and thought to yourself: \u201cYou know what this country could really use right about now? Superheroes! They\u2019ll sort it all out!\u201d? Hey, I\u2019d like to see a caped crusader or masked vigilante clean up this place as much as the next person, but I just don\u2019t think it would really work out as well as we\u2019d hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":448247,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[342],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-29071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-techspaces"],"authorship":[7],"yoast_head":"\nIf Superheroes Came to Beirut<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you ever sighed in frustration and thought to yourself: \u201cYou know what this country could really use right about now? 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