{"id":30477,"date":"2014-01-01T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-01-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/30477\/five-new-years-resolutions-for-lebanon"},"modified":"2023-08-11T03:23:41","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T03:23:41","slug":"five-new-years-resolutions-for-lebanon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/30477\/five-new-years-resolutions-for-lebanon\/","title":{"rendered":"Five New Year’s Resolutions for Lebanon"},"content":{"rendered":"1. Halt the Honk<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Photo via carlamaree.com<\/a>)<\/i><\/small><\/small>

So it\u2019s fun every once in a while to blare up our radios to \u201cTee Rash Rash\u201d or \u201cZamir ya Tawil l 3omir\u201d and yes, it\u2019s even more fun to scream, with hugem almost eerily childlike grins, \u201cToot toot 3a Beirut.\u201d

But please, let it stop here.

There is no need to incessantly and unceasingly honk your car during traffic jams. Khaye, we\u2019re all in this together, wallah.

Your disturbing honks are to no avail; they will not make the roads magically widen, or the cars mystically disappear \u2013 they will just continue to disturb, disrupt and annoy the heck out of everyone. And this one\u2019s for our favorite patriotic friends: whether it\u2019s eid, or \u2018ashoura, or Christmas, or your granddaughter\u2019s brother\u2019s son\u2019s graduation, we do not want to hear your rhythmic toots, beeps, honks and blasts. I know your plan is to get us all into a festive mood to celebrate your victory together, but we\u2019re fine.

Merci kteer, though.

2. The need to spell broberly<\/big><\/big><\/b>


I\u2019ll hand it to us; we do seem to speak English pretty well now and then, but let\u2019s face it \u2013 our spelling is verging on the brink of terribly humiliating third world-edness.

When our government is not busy misspelling key terms in our currency<\/a>, then you just know that one of our favorite restaurants is offering its customers some good ol\u2019 flafel with a side of torture<\/a>.

And whilst we\u2019re on the topic of resolving our diction and language, let\u2019s focus on two other essentials.
Firstly, what\u2019s with the need to decorate our words on Facebook?
Why do our s\u2019s and a\u2019s magically become z\u2019s and @\u2019s?

And secondly, WHY do pepsi, potatoes and pizza always seem to become bebsi, botato and bidza?
Sooo ya $habebzzz, here\u2019s to lerning<\/i> how to sbell<\/i> in da c@min yeer!<\/i>

3. Elimination of our #Selfienation<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Photo via birdeemag.com<\/a>)<\/i><\/small><\/small>

This resolution, which might be a tad too difficult, tackles not only one issue, but two.

Firstly, the nation as a whole needs to focus on the elimination of these #ducks as quickly as possible. There have been several reports regarding their extensive use, along with their rather dangerous attempts at practicing pseudo-yoga, through the pushing forward of bosoms and buttocks, before proceeding to take pictures.

Secondly, the #gym has been corrupted, since the invention of the socially pervasive Instagram, as a consequence of herds of men and women posing repeatedly, continuously and unremittingly in front of the mirror with strenuous demands that require both a #serious facial expression and severe, worrying #flexing.

4. Learning our National Anthem<\/big><\/big><\/b>