{"id":34532,"date":"2014-07-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-07-16T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/34532\/the-seven-people-youll-encounter-at-a-lebanese-lunch"},"modified":"2023-08-14T10:58:22","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T10:58:22","slug":"the-seven-people-youll-encounter-at-a-lebanese-lunch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/34532\/the-seven-people-youll-encounter-at-a-lebanese-lunch\/","title":{"rendered":"The Seven People You’ll Encounter at a Lebanese Lunch"},"content":{"rendered":"

A personal nightmare of mine is being forced to attend extravagant Sunday lunches with families that your parents used to vacation with in the 1980s. You don\u2019t want to be there, your parents don\u2019t want to be there, the waiters don\u2019t want to be there \u2013 it\u2019s just another soul-crushing Lebanese ritual. Having been to as few of these lunches as I could possibly manage, I noticed that the characters are repetitive. These are seven of the most recurring ones you’ll see.<\/p>\n

1. The Botox Queen<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Is she happy to see you? Sad? Confused? Wait, is she having a stroke, or is that just her botched eyebrow? We\u2019ll never know. <\/p>\n

2. The Moody Prepubescent Teen <\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Good luck getting him or her to take their earphones out. They’ll just stroke their weird mushroom haircut and complain about the fact that they have to be there. <\/p>\n

3. The Drunken Oldie<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

He will most probably make unsolicited penis jokes to the sad waiter; everyone at the table will die a little inside. <\/p>\n

4. The Budding Socialite<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

This woman has multiple orgasms when A\u0457shti has a sale. She gets featured in every edition of Mondanite magazine, where she gets her picture taken for doing nothing all day but attending lunches at which she doesn\u2019t eat. She also doubles as the \u201cpassive mom\u201d who is completely oblivious to the fact that her child just bit someone\u2019s ankle. <\/p>\n

5. The Sticky Child<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Usually accompanied by his Nintendo DS and a personal housekeeper to watch over his demonic behavior, this spawn of Satan will be found crawling underneath the table while his parents ignore him.<\/p>\n

6. The Inappropriate Distant Relative<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via The Innovative Educator<\/a>)<\/p>\n

He is somehow married to one of your parents\u2019 second cousins and always manages to tell you how much you\u2019ve \u201cgrown\u201d in the most disgusting way possible. With full on eye contact. <\/p>\n

7. The Overbearing Aunt<\/b><\/big><\/big>

(Image via Tumblr<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Are you married yet? Are you engaged? Do you have a boyfriend? Can she pimp you out? HABIBTI You only have 72 more months until your eggs are useless. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A personal nightmare of mine is being forced to attend extravagant Sunday lunches with families that your parents used to vacation with in the 1980s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":399585,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"_lftp_listicle_injection":"","footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-34532","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-listomania"],"authorship":[102],"yoast_head":"\nThe Seven People You'll Encounter at a Lebanese Lunch<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A personal nightmare of mine is being forced to attend extravagant Sunday lunches with families that your parents used to vacation with in the 1980s.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link 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