{"id":39429,"date":"2015-03-13T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-03-13T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/39429\/why-fifty-shades-of-grey-would-never-work-in-lebanon"},"modified":"2015-03-13T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-03-13T00:00:00","slug":"why-fifty-shades-of-grey-would-never-work-in-lebanon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/39429\/why-fifty-shades-of-grey-would-never-work-in-lebanon\/","title":{"rendered":"Why ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Would Never Work In Lebanon"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you think somewhere in Lebanon there exists a man like Christian Grey, waiting to find his Lebanese Anastasia Steele so he can shower her with gifts and expensive cars and then stalk her like a homicidal maniac when she doesn’t return his calls? Delicious. <\/p>\n

In Seattle, where the original Fifty Shades of Grey<\/i><\/a> takes place, Christian and Anastasia find their happy ending after the businessman emotionally manipulates her and then makes it all better with a helicopter ride and a Macbook Pro. <\/p>\n

The fact is, Fifty Shades of Grey<\/i> has very little to do with sex, and a lot to do with class and money. The product placement in both the book and movie puts Sex and the City\u2019s<\/i> Manolo Blahnik obsession to shame. E.L. James and the movie-makers took part in an exceptional exercise in luxury branding to make aggressive acts like stalking, emotional abuse, and manipulation seem charming and appealing. <\/p>\n

Things would be very different if the story was set in Lebanon, featuring your typical 24-year old Lebanese girl and, as is likely in our case, a 47-year old Lebanese man-child. Here’s why:<\/p>\n

1. Anastasia\u2019s Phone<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

In the book and the movie, Anastasia still uses a flip phone. Perhaps this is a ridiculous way of highlighting the economic differences between her and Christian, but be certain that no proper Lebanese girl would be caught dead with a flip phone post-2001. <\/p>\n

2. Christian gifts her a book<\/big><\/big>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Imagine a group of Lebanon\u2019s finest socialites discussing their gifts of the month: \u201cCartier bracelet, Tiffany\u2019s necklace\u2026 what do you mean he gave you a book? Like, to read? No, no, no.”<\/p>\n

3. Anastasia works at a hardware store<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Yeah, no. That would not bode well with her Lebanese parents. <\/p>\n

4. The \u201cplayroom\u201d<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Instead of BDSM paraphernalia, which is difficult to find, Lebanese Christian\u2019s playroom would be filled with an Xbox, PlayStation, and several other things his parents bought him.<\/p>\n

5. He gives her an Audi A3 <\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Guess what? Lebanese Anastasia wants an R8. Why should you drive an R8 while she drives an A3? <\/p>\n

6. Anastasia has a full bush<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Most self-respecting Lebanese girls are lasered and plucked until they’ve achieved the desired Sphinx cat-look by their 13th birthday. <\/p>\n

7. Anastasia wears flats<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

In Lebanon we wear high heels to breakfast. <\/p>\n

8. Christian basically fingers her in front of his parents<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Lebanese girls love sucking up to mothers; they would not be caught dead getting fingered at the dinner table. <\/p>\n

9. The plane and helicopter ride would play out differently<\/big><\/big><\/b>

(Image via tumblr.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

In Lebanon, Christian\u2019s plane and helicopter might get randomly shot down after being mistaken for Israeli warplanes. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you think somewhere in Lebanon there exists a man like Christian Grey, waiting to find his Lebanese Anastasia Steele so he can shower her with gifts and expensive cars and then stalk her like a homicidal maniac when she doesn’t return his calls? Delicious.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":418431,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"_lftp_listicle_injection":"","footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-39429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[102],"yoast_head":"\nWhy 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Would Never Work In Lebanon<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you think somewhere in Lebanon there exists a man like Christian Grey, waiting to find his Lebanese Anastasia Steele so he can shower her with gifts and expensive cars and then stalk her like a homicidal maniac when she doesn't return his calls? Delicious.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/39429\/why-fifty-shades-of-grey-would-never-work-in-lebanon\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Would Never Work In Lebanon\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you think somewhere in Lebanon there exists a man like Christian Grey, waiting to find his Lebanese Anastasia Steele so he can shower her with gifts and expensive cars and then stalk her like a homicidal maniac when she doesn't return his calls? 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