{"id":40669,"date":"2015-05-08T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-08T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/40669\/i-have-the-last-remaining-bush-in-lebanon"},"modified":"2023-08-11T04:07:21","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T04:07:21","slug":"i-have-the-last-remaining-bush-in-lebanon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/40669\/i-have-the-last-remaining-bush-in-lebanon\/","title":{"rendered":"I Have the Last Remaining Bush in Lebanon"},"content":{"rendered":"<big>It&#8217;s come to my attention that everyone in Lebanon has now gone completely hairless. Starting with the age of 12 \u2013 or whenever the first pubes sprout &#8212; our nation\u2019s women are waxing, sugaring, and especially lasering their pubic hair into a  state of enforced baldness. <br \/>  <br \/>  Except for me. <br \/>  <br \/>  My bush is the last remaining holdout in a world of lasered-off pubes. I\u2019m the last naturally hairy lady in this country. That&#8217;s why I nominate my bush to be the new addition to the Lebanese guide book. It\u2019s like those churches where oil comes out of the walls \u2013 a rare specimen of nature. <\/big><br \/>  <br \/>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-3-250x189.png\" width=\"100%\"><br \/>  (An undated photo of American model Bettie Page. Source: Tumblr)<br \/>  <br \/>  <big>It\u2019s not that I always wanted to be hairy. It\u2019s more that I got fed up with the tears following any hair-removal session. Shave and your nether regions begin to resemble a kid who\u2019s caught chicken pox \u2013 red bumps and itching. Waxing and feel your life flash before your eyes with every pull of the skin. Halfway through, you lose all your resolve. \u201cPlease, stop!\u201d you beg the lady who\u2019s spent more time face to face with your vagina than the last guy you dated. \u201cNo, you can\u2019t go out like this,\u201d she says, gesturing to your half hairy bush. \u201cNow flip over, doggy style.\u201d Your life begins to flash before your eyes as she applies hot wax to your asshole.<br \/>  <br \/>  The first and last time I attempted laser hair removal on my nether regions was the worst pain I\u2019ve ever felt. As the dagger-like lasers incinerated all the hair follicles on my labia, I found myself thinking \u201cScrew water boarding, why doesn\u2019t the CIA just use laser hair removal to torture people into confession.\u201d To say it was painful is to say Robert Fisk likes to research, or Mia Khalifa is close to her stepmom. It just doesn\u2019t do justice. <br \/>  <br \/>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/s2.favim.com\/orig\/28\/40-year-old-virgin-chest-funny-steve-carell-wax-Favim.com-231913.gif\"width=\"100%\"><br \/>  <br \/>  The worst part of all this fuckery is that the lasered hair grows back! If you have anything like legitimate amounts of hair, you can expect to need five or six sessions (at least) until you can say goodbye pubes forever. <br \/>  <br \/>  To boot, it\u2019s fucking expensive. Yes, we women pay out the ass for the privilege of lasering off our hair. The average laser session is over $100. That\u2019s like, ten percent of most salaries in Lebanon. <br \/>  <br \/>  Except for me. As the last hairy lady of Lebanon, I get to save my money. I\u2019m going to try to convince men that it\u2019s the 1970s Penthouse look. It\u2019s coming back in style. Perhaps future generations will not have to suffer, the way women of my generation have suffered.<\/big><br \/>      <figure class=\"wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-default is-cropped wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex\"><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"192\" height=\"250\" data-id=\"417669\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-192x250.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-417669\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-192x250.png 192w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669.png 230w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 192px) 100vw, 192px\" \/><\/figure><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"250\" height=\"239\" data-id=\"417671\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-1-250x239.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-417671\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-1-250x239.png 250w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-1-600x575.png 600w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-1-768x736.png 768w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-1.png 855w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/><\/figure><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" data-id=\"417673\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-2-250x250.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-417673\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-2-250x250.png 250w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-2.png 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/><\/figure><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"250\" height=\"189\" data-id=\"417675\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-3-250x189.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-417675\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-3-250x189.png 250w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-3-600x454.png 600w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/40669-3.png 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/><\/figure><\/figure>    ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><big>It&#8217;s come to my attention that everyone in Lebanon has now gone completely hairless.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":417677,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-40669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[38],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I Have the Last Remaining Bush in Lebanon<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It&#039;s come to my attention that everyone in Lebanon has now gone completely hairless.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/40669\/i-have-the-last-remaining-bush-in-lebanon\/\" \/>\n<meta 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