{"id":40758,"date":"2015-05-14T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-14T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/40758\/look-at-these-major-milestones-in-a-life-of-disappointment"},"modified":"2015-05-14T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-05-14T00:00:00","slug":"look-at-these-major-milestones-in-a-life-of-disappointment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/40758\/look-at-these-major-milestones-in-a-life-of-disappointment\/","title":{"rendered":"Look at These Major Milestones in a Life of Disappointment"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><big>Once upon a time, we were all happy and innocent; the world was a safe and beautiful place, everything was comforting, and nothing could burst our bubble of happiness. <\/p>\n<p>  Then we were born! And there began our road to disappointment, one jarring indignity after another. The path to disillusionment is long but sure. Here are some of the major highlights:<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 4:<\/b> Simba\u2019s father gets trampled to death <\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 6:<\/b> You start receiving clothes as birthday gifts<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 7:<\/b> The end of believing that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and cartoons are very real things that definitely exist <\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 10:<\/b> Discovering how babies are really made, and realizing that your parents and grandparents must have done it too<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn2.hellogiggles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/06\/tumblr_ls4vv6BhC01qf28p4o1_500.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 12:<\/b> Realizing that looks *do matter<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 14:<\/b> Finding out that when your orthodontist said 6-18 months, he really meant 4-5 years<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 15:<\/b> Puberty is not only tough, it\u2019s intensely gross<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 17:<\/b> Realizing that you won\u2019t be a pro-athlete, actor, singer, dancer etc. <\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 18:<\/b> Rejection from your dream college: the first taste of many future rejections to come<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 19:<\/b> Learning that sex is not very much like porn, unless you watch awkward and clumsy porn<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/33.media.tumblr.com\/263d93fc38451d577546b8a24e76f286\/tumblr_mpbvjpbUDv1ruospro1_500.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 23:<\/b> Applying to jobs with a liberal arts\/political science degree<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 26:<\/b> You have trouble recovering after nights of drinking, you need to watch what you eat, and you spot that first patch of graying hair<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 27:<\/b> Your childhood celebrity crush has just: died, entered rehab, or become a grandparent<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 28:<\/b> You hear your favorite song being played on the Oldies station<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 29:<\/b> You stop recognizing any of the new celebrities<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/31.media.tumblr.com\/a5e39d12cb16e7237836dc0552aca4bf\/tumblr_mi32nihmX31r4y42jo1_500.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 32:<\/b> You stop understanding the new slang terms, new music sounds strange, and you question why there are so many children at your favorite bar<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 36:<\/b> Realizing that your marriage is just as sexless and as bitter as you promised yourself it wouldn\u2019t be<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 41:<\/b> The hottest new models you find yourself checking out weren\u2019t even born the year you graduated university<\/p>\n<p>  <b>Age 45:<\/b> Total disillusionment achieved, accepting the sweet embrace of disappointment <\/big>  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><big>Once upon a time, we were all happy and innocent; the world was a safe and beautiful place, everything was comforting, and nothing could burst our bubble of happiness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":417589,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"_lftp_listicle_injection":"","footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-40758","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[102],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.3 (Yoast SEO v28.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Look at These Major Milestones in a Life of Disappointment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Once upon a time, we were all happy and innocent; the world was a safe and beautiful place, everything was comforting, and nothing could burst our bubble of happiness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/40758\/look-at-these-major-milestones-in-a-life-of-disappointment\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Look at These Major Milestones in a Life of Disappointment\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Once upon a time, we were all happy and innocent; 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