{"id":41910,"date":"2015-07-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-07-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/41910\/sorry-tabbouleh-but-im-just-not-that-into-you"},"modified":"2023-08-11T04:17:34","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T04:17:34","slug":"sorry-tabbouleh-but-im-just-not-that-into-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/41910\/sorry-tabbouleh-but-im-just-not-that-into-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Sorry, Tabbouleh, But I’m Just Not That Into You"},"content":{"rendered":"

Friends, foes, countrymen and women: I implore you NOT to get butthurt over what I\u2019m about to admit. And I\u2019m willing to concede that there could be something fundamentally wrong with me… <\/p>\n

But I do not like – and never have liked – tabbouleh.<\/p>\n

I tend to think of tabbouleh much the same way I think about Taylor Swift: I just don\u2019t get it. I don\u2019t understand why people act as though she is a god.<\/p>\n

Shhhh\u2026. shhhh\u2026 hush now. I can already hear your retaliatory screams from the depths of the Internet, \u201cWHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE TABBOULEH? IT’S THE GREATEST FOOD EVER. IT WAS INVENTED IN LEBANON. I WISH I COULD EAT TABBOULEH EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY WHILE MORGAN FREEMAN NARRATES HOW GREAT IT IS.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Dude. Duuuuude. Duuuuuuuuuude.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong: a nice crisp salad can be a wonderful thing. But for me, tabbouleh just doesn\u2019t live up to the hype.<\/p>\n

And no, it\u2019s not a matter of never having eaten good<\/b> tabbouleh. <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a list of my grievances, in order of importance:<\/big><\/p>\n

1.The Parsley<\/big><\/big><\/b>
I don\u2019t have anything against parsley as a garnish. But as the main component of a dish, it\u2019s just bitterly overbearing, and makes my lips pucker up like a pre-pubescent teen doing duck face. It also reminds me of freshly mowed grass, or the hypothetical urine of wheatgrass. <\/big><\/p>\n

2. The Texture<\/big><\/big><\/b>
The only way to really consume tabbouleh is to eat it with a spoon. Eating salad with a spoon is an abomination.<\/big><\/p>\n

3. How well does it pair with bacon bits and croutons?<\/big><\/big><\/b>
It doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

So just a day ahead of National Tabbouleh Day I say to everyone who likes tabbbouleh: no, just no. I think it’s terrible. <\/p>\n

And before you go all cray on me, let me just say: guys, let’s all calm down here. We’re talking about food. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee-e.<\/big><\/p>\n

[Image from here<\/a>.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friends, foes, countrymen and women: I implore you NOT to get butthurt over what I\u2019m about to admit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":416839,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-41910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[186],"yoast_head":"\nSorry, Tabbouleh, But I'm Just Not That Into You<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Friends, foes, countrymen and women: I implore you NOT to get butthurt over what I\u2019m about to admit.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/41910\/sorry-tabbouleh-but-im-just-not-that-into-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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