{"id":42544,"date":"2015-08-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-08-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/42544\/remembering-that-time-i-broke-up-with-a-guy-for-wearing-capri-pants"},"modified":"2023-08-11T04:21:59","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T04:21:59","slug":"remembering-that-time-i-broke-up-with-a-guy-for-wearing-capri-pants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/42544\/remembering-that-time-i-broke-up-with-a-guy-for-wearing-capri-pants\/","title":{"rendered":"Remembering That Time I Broke Up with a Guy for Wearing Capri Pants"},"content":{"rendered":"<big>Back in 2005, I broke up with a guy for wearing khaki cargo capri pants, and I completely forgot that happened until encountering a guy this morning at the bank who also &#8211; tragically &#8211; chose to dress himself up in the most disgusting excuse for an article of clothing that exists in society today.<br \/>  <br \/>  John (and that\u2019s his real name because 1. I don\u2019t talk to this guy anymore nor have any clue what he\u2019s doing and 2. publicly shaming someone for wearing capris is a perfectly acceptable thing to do) wasn\u2019t wearing like, I don\u2019t know, stylish and fitted black men\u2019s capris. Maybe I could have let that one slide. <br \/>  <br \/>  He was wearing baggy capris with an excessive number of carpenter pockets in a color that resembled his milky white pale skin.  So noooooooooooo. Just no.<br \/>  <br \/>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/42544-1.png\" width=\"100%\"><br \/>  <br \/>  I never actually told John that this was the reason for the breakup, but the moment I saw him wearing those stupid cropped pants, I knew our relationship was done. And for anyone unreasonable enough to NOT understand why this was a deal breaker, I\u2019ll also divulge that he drank too much, got insanely jealous when I spoke to other guys and didn\u2019t like peanut butter or mayonnaise. Not together, mind you, separately. What kind of monster doesn\u2019t like peanut butter? And how could a person reject the creamy goodness of white, fluffy mayo on a deli sandwich made with fresh baked Italian-sesame bread? Good God. So in sum: he was a loser. And he wasn\u2019t even European.<br \/>  <br \/>  To be fair, I don\u2019t like capri pants on men OR women.They look pretty ridiculous on just about everyone. They accentuate the least desirable part of the leg, and if a woman suffers the unfortunate circumstance of having cankles\u2026 well that\u2019s just super unattractive, sorry.<br \/>  <br \/>  Also, capris are not really pants and they\u2019re not really shorts. It\u2019s like the equivalent of drinking lukewarm water. Gross.<br \/>  <br \/>  My question is: why do capri pants still exist? Why weren\u2019t they just a fad the way, say, trucker hats and upside down visors were in the 1990s?<br \/>  <br \/>  To all the misguided individuals in the world today daring to wear capris I say: just buy real pants and get over it.<\/big><br \/>  <br \/>  <br \/>  [Image via <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/katelyndbentley\/clothes\/\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a>.]    <figure class=\"wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-default is-cropped wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex\"><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"224\" height=\"250\" data-id=\"416569\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/42544-224x250.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-416569\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/42544-224x250.png 224w, https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/42544.png 385w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 224px) 100vw, 224px\" \/><\/figure><\/figure>    ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><big>Back in 2005, I broke up with a guy for wearing khaki cargo capri pants, and I completely forgot that happened until encountering a guy this morning at the bank who also &#8211; tragically &#8211; chose to dress himself up in the most disgusting excuse for an article of clothing that exists in society today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":416571,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-42544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[186],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.7 (Yoast SEO v27.7) - 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