![](\"https:\/\/media.giphy.com\/media\/gttgcJAA6bAyI\/giphy.gif\"width=\"100%\")
<\/p>\nThe good old Lewis Black said it best once. He overheard a young woman saying, \u201cIf it weren\u2019t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.\u201d Now take a moment, because it doesn\u2019t make much sense upon first listen. Or second. It doesn\u2019t make much sense at all.<\/p>\n
As Black said, \u201cDon\u2019t think about that too long, or blood will shoot out your nose!\u201d<\/p>\n
What I love about living in a city are these snippets of conversations. They are comedic and intellectual gold. I could write a book using only these lines of conversations I overhear (don\u2019t steal that idea, because it\u2019s already in the works) or write a whole standup sketch using jumbled lines of dialogue (I\u2019m not much of a performer so you can steal that one).<\/p>\n
Here are some of the things I have heard recently. <\/p>\n
– \u201cMy lab partner is a bossy bitch.\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When I heard this one, \u201cI\u2019m a boss ass bitch, bitch, bitch,\u201d started playing in my head. I imagined a boss ass bitch who wears a feathered boa and stilettos to lab despite the safety rules. Screw those basic goggles, she\u2019s fabulous. <\/p>\n
– A man in the morning: \u201cI emailed her looking for a job and she wrote back saying, \u2018There are no jobs.\u2019\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
– A woman in the evening, on the complete other side of town: \u201cHe emailed me looking for a job so I wrote back saying, \u2018There are no jobs.\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n
When this happened I turned around in slow motion. I felt like I had to bend backwards like Neo from the Matrix. <\/p>\n
– \u201cThis girl told me I look like Taylor swift, what do you guys think?\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i.perezhilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/taylor-swift-admits-when-she-started-drinking.gif\"width=\"100%\")
<\/p>\n
I never did find out what what they thought. <\/p>\n
– \u201cI couldn’t go to her birthday because I had to move my beehive. I\u2019m serious guys.\u201d <\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i46.photobucket.com\/albums\/f115\/stepsolar\/a-serious-discussion.gif\"width=\"100%\")
<\/p>\n
I really believed the guy. Somehow, he made it sound authentic, real, and very painful. He had to move the damn bees guys. Birthdays can wait. Bees do not.<\/p>\n
– “Your life can change, like in the blink, of like, an eye. So you can’t, like, plan anything. Like, at all.\u201d<\/p>\n
– “Yeah, but I had like, a 20 year plan.\u201d<\/p>\n
– “Yeah, but like, you can\u2019t.\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/ztW85.gif\"width=\"100%\")
<\/p>\n
I heard this on a bus. If you think about it, these girls are right. They\u2019re on to something. You can\u2019t make a 20 year plan. You just, like, can\u2019t. It, like, doesn\u2019t work that way, like. <\/p>\n
– \u201cIt\u2019s like BDSM meets space meets cowboys!\u201d<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/RDn4N.gif\"width=\"100%\")
<\/p>\n
I was sitting on a bench in AUB, enjoying some sunshine and a hot cup of coffee when I overheared an excited boy and girl discussing something both erotic and Western with great zeal. Intrigued, I attempted to eavesdrop, but, alas, I was too late, and they ran off to class. Later that week, I watched Haifa Wehbe\u2019s music video for \u201cBreathing You In\u201d and was immediately mentally transported back to that bench. I almost wish the mystery had remained.<\/big><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The good old Lewis Black said it best once.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":414655,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-45438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[40],"yoast_head":"\n