{"id":46897,"date":"2016-04-19T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-19T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/46897\/how-to-survive-lebanese-family-gatherings"},"modified":"2016-04-19T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-04-19T00:00:00","slug":"how-to-survive-lebanese-family-gatherings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/46897\/how-to-survive-lebanese-family-gatherings\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Survive Lebanese Family Gatherings"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><big>Forget about the traffic, presidential vacuum, and trash crisis, the ultimate challenge you should worry about when living a Lebanon lies somewhere else, away from the tumult of the streets, far from the gazes of strangers, much closer than you\u2019d ever imagine, at the very place you call home. <\/p>\n<p>  Ladies and gentlemen, let us all join forces in building a new generation of Lebanese people who are psycho-emotionally equipped to survive FAMILY GATHERINGS OF ALL SORTS with no permanent damages. Here\u2019s how it\u2019s done.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Gear up for endless hours of sugar-coated bragging<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/25.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_mbgmumArSY1rbb8fmo1_500.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>Once comfortably settled in their chairs, your relatives will dive straight into business, giving you a  full update on their accomplishments, purchases, career milestones, and romantic partners. An episode of intense bragging about their children\u2019s unrivaled genius usually follows, leaving you in a state of psycho-nauseous saturation that urges you fight back using your own revamped list of magnificent exploits. Better come prepared! <\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Substitute standard greetings with generic body weight assessments <\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lovelace-media.imgix.net\/uploads\/125\/1d49d0e0-2cb3-0133-777a-0aecee5a8273.gif?w=740&#038;h=416&#038;fit=max&#038;auto=format\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>The <i>noshane\/do3fane<\/i> spectrum is open to infinite possibilities and an awful lot of awkward combinations. Why settle for a basic \u201chi\u201d when you can throw all sorts of unsolicited body weight concerns at people instead?<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Dress 10 levels beyond what normally qualifies as your best<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/seahoney48.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/09\/roleplay.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>Remember, you are being carefully scrutinized by an attentive committee of over-pampered family members that threatens to morph into the Fashion Police cast at any given fashion faux-pas. Kindly consult with your personal stylist prior to the big day.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Shower second and third relatives with a full year\u2019s stock of compliments<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.newlovetimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/b13-1.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>Because you\u2019re most probably not going to see their faces again until next Christmas.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>And make sure to fully acknowledge the revolutionary achievements of their kids<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.thecelebrityauction.co\/picture\/c\/41\/CwMdBE5KXRoIAhUABw4DH1kVSxMYBA4TDBwHWQcRAEoHAQxMHwIdB00PHRgASBsRFwJfBwsWGxEQXx8HE00RChlMGQwDB0oFA0gA\/HQsABhkdWwEVHhwEBwFKRlNGXFtEXV0HEA4QCQY8Gh9GFgIKACswAFQHC0NQEUMKQyxQU0JIRVdEUExAVERLUk0VDBI=.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>Do not mess with the kids under any circumstances (unless you\u2019re willing to be shamelessly side-eyed by their procreators for the rest of your miserable existence). This being said, complimenting children is an open door to their parent\u2019s hearts. <b>*kid counts till 10*<\/b> What a genius! <b>*kid finishes plate*<\/b> Good boy! *kid randomly splashes paint on paper*<\/b> <i>Yo2borne tali3 fennen la bayyo!<\/i> <b>*kid draws circle and tells you it\u2019s you*<\/b> THAT\u2019S WHO YOU MOST DEFINITELY ARE.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Prepare a consistent and convincing brief of your love life<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/img.buzzfeed.com\/buzzfeed-static\/static\/2015-11\/19\/12\/imagebuzz\/webdr12\/anigif_optimized-27787-1447955502-10.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>You cannot just pretend to be on a relationship hiatus and get away with it. Your relatives will flood your existence with <i>nefrah mennak\/mennik<\/i>-type expressions until they\u2019ve extracted your entire romantic archive. Better be convincing.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Keep away from mindless political discussions <\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/besttimepass.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/coffee7.gif\"width=\"100%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <big>You\u2019ll never win anyway so why even bother?<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Always pass the salt<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/theaccidentalextrovert.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/12\/anigif_enhanced-buzz-10455-1376413724-28.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>You need to be cooperative and open to suggestions in terms of family meals. The dinner table is a sacred place of worship where passing the salt is equivalent to passing the peace. Also, beware of telling your grandma you\u2019re full. It counts as the most sinful of all sins.<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Never get yourself into family card games when in a hurry<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mrwgifs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/Rob-Schneider-Is-Angry-Playing-Card-Games-With-Julian-In-Big-Daddy.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>The average card game among relatives lasts anywhere between five hours and two days (taking into account the precious time spent passionately arguing about points). Are you REALLY willing to take such a risk?<\/big><\/p>\n<p>  <big><Big><b>Do NOT attempt to escape a Lebanese family gathering under ANY circumstances<\/big><\/big><\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/shechive.files.wordpress.com\/2016\/01\/some-of-the-most-awkward-on-screen-hugs-weve-ever-seen-2.gif\"width=\"100%\"><\/p>\n<p>  <big>Hiding under the bed never does the trick. And whenever you think you\u2019ve silently escaped a family gathering by locking yourself silently in your room, your parents will always be there to call you forth. Your safest option is to keep calm and <i>rouh sallim 3al tante<\/i> my friend.<\/big><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><big>Forget about the traffic, presidential vacuum, and trash crisis, the ultimate challenge you should worry about when living a Lebanon lies somewhere else, away from the tumult of the streets, far from the gazes of strangers, much closer than you\u2019d ever imagine, at the very place you call home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":413789,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"_lftp_listicle_injection":"","footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-46897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[68],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.5 (Yoast SEO v28.5) - 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