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<\/p>\nAs you\u2019ve all seen, the French elections have been (and still are) a series of unpredictable events. Opposing the usual candidates (the socialists (PS) and the right winged (Les R\u00e9publicains)), these elections revealed to be very authentic this year with the great success of unusual candidates: Marine Le Pen, Emmanuel Macron and Jean-Luc M\u00e9lenchon. <\/p>\n
While debates were on the front scene in France, we shall not forget about our lovely Frenchies in Lebanon who actually get to vote (I am one of them and I happen to be in one of the categories below, so please allow yourself some self-derision). <\/p>\n
1. The self-racist bourgeoisie<\/b><\/p>\n
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These are usually people aged 45 and above, although this is not a strict rule. They live in Ash (Achrafieh), Badaro or Gemmayzeh and have never been to Hamgha (Hamra). They believe that they are a distinct race of Phoenicians or Levantines especially not to be confused with Arabs. The only problem is that they completely forgot they will be the first victims when she will decide to ban the double-nationality and abolish the \u201cdroit du sol\u201d from the Constitution. They also come up with some amazing political and social analysis with a very distinct “Ash” accent: <\/p>\n
\u201cYaaa, moi \u00e7a fait d\u00e9j\u00e0 une semaine que ma bonne est partie, regarde mes mains! (referring to the first time she ever had to do the dishes) Halla2 hay Marine Le Pen bet khawef shway la2an badda t2ashetna wra2na, bas enno il faut voter pour elle la2an c\u2019est la seule qui va nettoyer la France ya3ne! Enno sara7a Paris sar fiha aktar mosqu\u00e9es men \u00e9glises!\u201d <\/p>\n
Translation:<\/b> Oh my god, it has been already a week since my maid has left, look at my hands! It is true that Marine Le Pen is a little scary, especially that she wants to take away our French nationality, but we must vote for her as she is the only candidate who will clean up France! Honestly, look at Paris, there are more mosques than churches there!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJe vote Marine Le Pen parce que la France et sa grande \u00e9glise sont en voie de disparition.\u201d
Translation:<\/b> I will vote for Marine Le Pen because France and its grandiose church are threatened of extinction.<\/p>\n
\u201cMarine Le Pen est la seule candidate qui peut redresser la France! Eza bi kaffo hek 7a ysir fihon metel ma sar fina!\u201d (referring to Palestinian and Syrian refugees).
Translation: <\/b>Marine Le Pen is the only candidate who can get France back on its feet! If they continue with their current policies, they will end up like us!\u201d<\/p>\n
2. The assertive economists<\/b><\/p>\n
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These are mostly young and middle-aged people, quite rich, who believe that poor people are just lazy. They have acquired a PHD in economics at birth and they can tell you with a 100% result guarantee that Fran\u00e7ois Fillon is the only candidate who has a proper economic program and that the left is the main problem while France is sinking. They tend to have a very short memory and have already forgotten about the glorious years of Sarkozy. They usually own some house or apartment in France and do not wish to see the taxes increase in order for people to get proper health-care. They would come up with great sentences such as:<\/p>\n
\u201cTu votes \u00e0 gauche?! No way bgho (bro)! Man tu es compl\u00e8tement d\u00e9bile, il n\u2019y a que Fillon qui a un programme \u00e9conomique qui va redresser la France. Enno qu\u2019ils travaillent un peu les fran\u00e7ais, c\u2019est tous des assist\u00e9s! (knowing that they will go from being students to \u201cestelem sherket papi\u201d).
Translation:<\/b> Are you voting for labour? No way bro! Man you\u2019re such an idiot, only Fillon has a decent economic program that will push the economy up. Anyway, French people don\u2019t even work, they all depend on state subventions!<\/p>\n
\u201cCes m\u00e9dias mesh ma32oulin kif ils se sont acharn\u00e9s sur Fran\u00e7ois Fillon! Enno hayda akid shi complot politique la ykhasrou ! Moi je vote Fillon parce que je ne laisserais pas les m\u00e9dias d\u00e9verser leur boue sur lui.\u201d
Translation:<\/b> It\u2019s crazy how the media lashed out at Fillon! I am sure this is a plot against him in order to make him lose the elections. I will vote for Fillon because I will not allow the media to throw shit at his face.<\/p>\n
3. The 220 na\u00effs\/socialists<\/b><\/p>\n
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These are 220 people who voted for Beno\u00eet Hamon. They are most probably under the age of 35 and still dream of a utopia where everyone would be allocated a universal revenue. They have seen the world fall apart with Trump and Brexit and still think they can save the world with their vote. They were all faced with a heart breaking dilemma whether to vote for Hamon or M\u00e9lenchon and naively decided to follow their hearts. They have never opened an economics book but are deeply convinced that Hamon\u2019s program is feasible. When you talk to them about how low he is in the polls, they will always say something like:<\/p>\n
\u201cEnno eh ba3ref, bas sara7a c\u2019est le candidat le plus int\u00e8gre et le plus honn\u00eate.\u201d
Translation:<\/b> Yeah I know, but honestly he\u2019s the most upright and honest candidate.<\/p>\n
The best part about them is that when M\u00e9lenchon lost, they were disappointed as if it wasn\u2019t partly their fault because they \u201chad to follow their hearts\u201d.<\/p>\n
4. The \u201ctout sauf un Le Pen\/Fillon\u201d socialists<\/b><\/p>\n
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They usually are also young and middle-aged voters who hate Fillon and cannot stand to see the Front National in power. They give people lessons on Facebook but have not even made up their minds yet. One day they want to vote for Macron, the other they want to follow their hearts and vote Hamon and at night they are not sure whether M\u00e9lenchon is the answer. They have all acquired a PHD in political analysis and are there to educate the Facebook population. Their favourite sentence is \u201ckelshi ella Le Pen\/Fillon! Ya3ne 3anjad ce serait choisir entre la peste et le chol\u00e9ra!\u201d (Translation: The worst scenario would be Le Pen\/Fillon! It\u2019s like choosing between the plague and cholera!). If they had been the campaign directors of any of the candidates they may support, I guarantee you the candidate in question would have won. The night before the elections they end up losing their minds and screaming to whoever wishes to hear it \u201cabat le vote utile\u201d but next morning, in the voting booth they casted Macron instead of Hamon. They will always tell you how much of a threat Le Pen is but are unable to vote for Fillon if he is facing her in the second round. Their typical interventions sound like:<\/p>\n
\u201cHala2 sara7a el wade3 ktir sa3eb 7aliyan! Daroure daroure ma yotla3 Le Pen\/Fillon. Bas enno bi zet el wa2et les m\u00e9dias sont en train d\u2019orienter notre vote ! Ana b2oul enno il faut suivre ses convictions bas enno bet khaef ktir el ossa. Yalla yalla khalas 7a sawet Hamon!\u201d<\/p>\n
Translation:<\/b> Honestly the situation is very complex at the moment! It is crucial that we are not faced with Le Pen\/Fillon at the second round. At the same time, the media are controlling our votes! I really believe we should follow our convictions but the situation is too scary. Anyway, I am going to vote for Hamon!<\/p>\n
5. The 50% visa-free customers <\/b><\/p>\n
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These are the very chill and relaxed 50% French registered on the electoral list in Lebanon who just couldn\u2019t be bothered to go and vote. They probably had better plans by the beach or a very important family lunch at Mounir. They are generally not very concerned by politics, or maybe just don\u2019t understand the concept of democracy (since, we aren\u2019t exactly familiar with it in Lebanon). However, they become super French when it comes to traveling around without visas or applying to jobs abroad. They suddenly switch from smoking \u201carghileh 3al Manara\u201d to drinking wine and cheese by the Eiffel Tower. They would usually give you very convincing excuses such as:<\/p>\n
\u201cEnno ma badda hal2ad man! Badda tefro2 3a sot ya3ne? Baleha, bfaddel enzal Pierre and Friends aw otla3 etghada bel jabal bro!\u201d<\/p>\n
Translation:<\/b> Honestly it\u2019s not big of a deal! It\u2019s not like one vote is going to make the difference. It\u2019s really not worth it, I\u2019d rather go to Pierre and Friends or have lunch in the mountain, bro.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As you\u2019ve all seen, the French elections have been (and still are) a series of unpredictable events.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":408619,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-51480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[70],"yoast_head":"\n