{"id":64653,"date":"2022-12-29T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-29T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/64653\/what-the-new-years-resolution-of-every-lebanese-politician-looks-like"},"modified":"2022-12-29T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-12-29T00:00:00","slug":"what-the-new-years-resolution-of-every-lebanese-politician-looks-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/64653\/what-the-new-years-resolution-of-every-lebanese-politician-looks-like\/","title":{"rendered":"What The New Year&#8217;s Resolution Of Every Lebanese Politician Looks Like"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>New year, new me? Our trusty group of Lebanese politicians may have been stuck to the same chairs for decades, but even they know there can always be some room for self-improvement. Here is a leaked list of their 2023 New Year\u2019s resolutions.<\/p>\n<p>  <b>1. Michel Aoun<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; What is dead cannot die. What is dead cannot die. What is dead cannot die.<br \/>  &#8211; Get new hobbies<br \/>  &#8211; Buy map and crayons<br \/>  &#8211; Buy an oil rig<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.tenor.com\/e7JEea35WpoAAAAC\/i-will-survive-gloria-gaynor.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>2. Nabih Berri<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; Collect more green stuff<br \/>  &#8211; Find Imam Mousa al Sader<br \/>  &#8211; Bench 51 kgs.<br \/>  &#8211; What is dead cannot die. What is dead cannot die. What is dead cannot die.<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/kRQOJtfI5MuVG\/giphy.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>3. Najib Mikati<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; I will grow hair. I will grow hair. I will grow hair.<br \/>  &#8211; The IMF will love me. The IMF will love me. The IMF will love me.<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media1.giphy.com\/media\/1jqKguIKxBLO\/giphy.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>4. Gebran Bassil<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; Come up with new song ideas to own the thawra<br \/>  &#8211; Buy more big electricity ships<br \/>  &#8211; Lie<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.tenor.com\/90Mz9RWUUvMAAAAC\/harry-potter.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>5. Samir Geagea<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; Increase body count<br \/>  &#8211; Scout for new checkpoint locations<br \/>  &#8211; Get testicles checked<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_m56kf4sSAD1rqfhi2o1_500.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>6. Walid Jumblatt<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; Drink Matte<br \/>  &#8211; Collect more properties<br \/>  &#8211; Become a niche Twitter microcelebrity<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media1.giphy.com\/media\/Oc4KnIJ3E7ziqN3l6T\/giphy.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>7. Riad Salameh<\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; I will not go to prison. I will not go to prison. I will not go to prison.<br \/>  &#8211; Bench 1500 kgs<br \/>  &#8211; Get a new secret mistress<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.tenor.com\/9pxLR-8u5z4AAAAC\/homer-simpson-hiding.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n<p>  <b>8. Saad el Hariri <\/b> <\/p>\n<p>  &#8211; Do Not Go To Saudi Arabia<\/p>\n<p>  <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media3.giphy.com\/media\/fGI4mkht3izGBO1TIJ\/giphy.gif\"width=\"70%\"> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>New year, new me? Our trusty group of Lebanese politicians may have been stuck to the same chairs for decades, but even they know there can always be some room for self-improvement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":425021,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ai_generated_summary":"","_preview_accessed":0,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"media-embed-type":[],"class_list":["post-64653","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"authorship":[72],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.7 (Yoast SEO v27.7) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What The New Year&#039;s Resolution Of Every Lebanese Politician Looks Like<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"New year, new me? Our trusty group of Lebanese politicians may have been stuck to the same chairs for decades, but even they know there can always be some room for self-improvement.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beirut.com\/en\/64653\/what-the-new-years-resolution-of-every-lebanese-politician-looks-like\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What The New Year&#039;s Resolution Of Every Lebanese Politician Looks Like\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"New year, new me? 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