How To Piss Off Your Lebanese Mom In 10 Simple Steps

We all have a special place in our hearts for the fiercely-caring, most loving, selfless Lebanese mothers, but sometimes they can be difficult to deal with. To ensure you’re going to be kicked out of the house, follow the following steps.

1. Tell her what you genuinely want for lunch

If she asks you what do you want for lunch, do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell her what you want, because it will turn into a rant of how you do nothing around the house and now you expect her to pull off a 3 course meal, when all you asked for was labneh.

2. Politely disagree with her opinion

If she’s commenting on something in the news and you calmly express your counter opinion, you are inherently disrespecting her 40 years of experience – because she started engaging in numerous intellectual, cultural, and political discourses since the moment she was born.

3. Fail to reply to her WhatsApp messages within a 2 second time range

She will begin sending voice notes, texts, and the next thing you’ll know she’s at your office door berating you for not replying to your own mother.

4. Say you had dinner at your friend’s house last evening

“Mish 3ajbik tabkhe? Eh shoufo shu ha teklo hal jom3a, ana mish de3se el matbakh ba2a” But mom, they invited me what can I do?

5. Tell her you met someone last week and you want to introduce them to her

You: I only met them last week
Your mom: bas lezim deghre t3arfeene 3leh
You: it’s only been a week..
Your mom: hatta law, ya 3ayb el shoum

6. Ask your dad about something

Even if it’s something you want particularly from your dad, she will loudly say: “Ana shu hon? Manzar? Ejer kerse?“. She’s always the boss, and you should know that.

7. Sleep more than 5 hours

The trick is to wake up just before she does, then take a nap later on, otherwise you’re a lazy slob and you’re wasting your youth.

8. Say no to her arranging a blind date with one of her friends’ son/daughter

She will take this as a personal insult to her opinion, people evaluation skills, and whole life.

9. Tell her you’re busy with work when she asks you to help her with a technical online problem

She will commence with a two hour lecture of how ungrateful you are because she singlehandedly taught you how to read, write, drive, and how she even helped you with your master’s thesis.

10. Say you want to use the expensive china and silverware because your friends are coming over for dinner

You done did it with this one, you will be thrown out of the house in a matter of hours. Those are reserved for when a prince comes to ask your hand in marriage, other than that step away from the forbidden salon vitrine.