10 Jobs That Should Exist in Lebanon

Why complain about the lack of jobs in Lebanon when you can make up your own?

1. Eyebrow Adviser

To hopefully bring the message of eyebrow salvation to Lebanon’s female population [in case you’re wondering what exactly is wrong with the eyebrows, we’ve written a detailed article about it].

2. Non-Influencer

Job Description:

• Does not rely on product placement for a living.
• Does not impact people’s lives with seashell chokers.
• Does not appropriate influence without public evidence.
• Does more in life than just being #blessed.

3. Human Coin Dispenser

A celestial manifestation of benevolence and salvation in human form whose sole life occupation is to appear to the rescue every time you run out of precious Park Meter coins.

4. Nightlife Researcher

To document the systematic evolution of Lebanon’s thriving nightlife scene and track the behavioral patterns and underlying psycho-emotional motives of excessive party-goers in the hopes of spreading much-needed knowledge to the nightlife-less and gaining a deeper understanding of the population as a whole.

5. Driving Rehabilitator

Now hiring: strict and uncompromising individuals with clean driving records to enlighten Lebanese drivers on what it’s like to coexist with other human beings on the road and put them on the right path towards operating a vehicle responsibly through mandatory rehabilitation sessions and intensive one-on-one training.

6. Bragging Consultant

Since we’re so good at bragging, why not export some of our superior knowledge to the world?

7. Inactivist

Requirements: instills change in the community through unpublicized acts of kindness/advocacy instead of drafting a 3-paragraph Facebook status about every single resemblance of human/animal injustice ever encountered on Planet Earth for extra attention.

8. Social Media Reformist

Spreading online enlightenment to the masses on proper posting habits and regulating the widespread culture of oversharing, in addition to blacklisting users who recurrently engage in petty social media fights or have a history of attacking/denigrating strangers due to deep-seated self-esteem troubles.

9. Political Leader

Mainly because they don’t practically exist.

10. Traffic Entertainer

• Responsibilities: to distract Lebanese drivers from traffic-induced suicidal ideation through street entertainment.

• Employment Period: until the Jal El Dib bridge is finished.