Ever want to try your hand at politics? Well, here are some telltale signs that you’d make a great politician in Lebanon.
1. You got emotional when MPs voted for “Lebanon” in parliament
Wow. So touching. I am touched.
2. You love expressing your penchant for all things nostalgic on social media
Meaning you post videos of Beirut during ayem el lulu with Fayrouz’s “Li Beirut” playing in the background.
3. You tweet updates about shu 3am b seer bel balad as if no one knows what’s going on
“Guys menhara el lira. L nes jo3ane. Mafi khebez. Shu 3am b seer? Meen 3emel hek b Beirut? MEEN??!!!“
4. Bet7eb el ajeneb
French? American? Saudi? Have your pick off the menu.
5. You constantly think you’re the smartest person in the room
Everyone else is a sheep and you’re the only one who has unlocked their third eye and can see reality.
6. You crack the occasional misogynistic joke
You didn’t really mean it, but you know what you meant.
7. Your dream is to be on a talk show about politics
So you can angrily blame everyone except yourself for el enhiyar, of course la2annak “jaree2”.
8. You make up conspiracy theories about the crisis
Ok but is it a coincidence eno sar el enhiyar aktar shi b manate2 [insert religious sect]?
9. You’re frenemies with everyone
Never let them know your next move. One day you’re at war with one and the next you’re having coffee and saying how much you love your “zameel”.
10. You own a motorcycle
This is optional. Make sure to ride to parliament with it. And a matching helmet. You are one of the people.
11. You think you can “relate to the people” because you once walked through Tripoli’s Souk
12. You’re running a political Instagram page
You have to check out what we post immediately, we’re bringing truth to power, destroying everyone one post at a time.
13. You have many skeletons in your closet
Oh yeah that one time I was a complete asshole in 2014, or that one harassment allegation from 2012, or that persistent bullying rumor in 2016, you don’t have to worry about those bro. The past is the past.
14. You’re a bad liar
Being a bad liar doesn’t stop you from telling lies though. We’re not sure if you just don’t care that you’re bad at it or you genuinely think people believe you.
15. You have a savior complex
If you were actually gonna save anyone, the bullet would already be in the back of your head. So take a chill pill and be a little more humble.
